lay back, it's all been done before

"complicated" by avril lavigne & a trip down memory lane

uh huh, life's like this
uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is
'cause life's like this
uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is

When I tell you that Avril Lavigne is singlehandedly pulling me out of my depression, well . . . I am obviously being hyperbolic. That’s not how depression works. But I really can’t overstate how helpful it’s been to my mood to have a steady stream of her bratty, obvious lyrics* and catchy pop hooks in my ears.

One weird thing about me is that I tend to be pretty good with birthdays — so, for example, the fact that today (September 27) is Avril Lavigne’s birthday lives rent free in my head! And then Hilary Duff’s is tomorrow, Olympic gymnast Dominique Moceanu’s is the 30th, Dominique Moceanu’s little sister’s is August 24th which YES is also my high school homeroom teacher’s birthday, too, thanks for noticing.

So I’ve been listening to Avril nonstop, it’s her birthday . . . of COURSE I had to write about her first single “Complicated.” I have such a nostalgic love for this song, it’s unreal. (Or “4 Real,” as Avril might say.)

I would argue that this is a PERFECT song and music video. It does every single thing it needs to. I tried to gather all my thoughts on it and couldn’t, so here’s a bulleted list:

• If you’re in the unfortunate position of needing to go visit an antiquated shopping center, you can always say, “Dude, want to crash the mall?” IMMEDIATELY yes, now I want to, I hope we can get up to Hijinx like harassing mall security and sitting on camping toilets in our underwear and putting on little fashion shows.

• The closed captioning on this video says it begins with “gentle guitars” and then later “laid-back guitars” and I love the idea of Avril somewhere being like, “GENTLE?!?!” because you know this was when she was in her heavy “I’m punk, I’m rock ‘n roll” phase. (Is she still in that phase? All I see is she does a lot with Machine Gun Kelly now?)

• Speaking of — do you remember when it was the biggest deal whether Avril was truly “punk” or not? It would get headlines on magazine covers and everything. It was so annoying. Music critics being like *turned up nose* — “She’s more poser than punk!” Well . . . yeah. It’s a hit song on the radio. It’s a pop song. Go listen to your Black Flag records and move on with your life.

• Nothing was cooler in the ‘90s to me than punk and skate culture. I wanted to skateboard so bad I did it VERY briefly, like literally I half-skated half-shuffled to my friend’s house and when her mom answered the door she was like, “Wow!! I didn’t know you could skateboard!” in a way that puffed me up so much I vowed never to do it again lest she see me Not Really Skating. I just wanted that image of me standing coolly on the doorstep with my skateboard casually at my side to live on forever. Impressing Friends’ Moms! Important!

• This song — and I’ve listened to enough of Avril’s oeuvre by now to confidently say this is part of her brand! — is such an interesting blend of the personal and philosophical. Because on the one hand, all she’s saying to this person she likes is, “you’re real when it’s just us and then you act weird and different when we’re around your friends, and that’s not cool.” An extremely relatable high school story! But she doesn’t stop there! She also gives the advice to chill out, it’s all been done before, life’s like this, you fall and you crawl etc. etc. but just don’t go faking it! I thought we were just talking about a wannabe-prep she had a crush on but we’re actually talking about LIFE! Toxic positivity and affirmations don’t really work for me, but Avril singing who knows what could happen/do what you do just keep on laughin’/one thing’s true/it’s always a brand new day . . . kinda does. Her music is motivational!

• I always look forward to the little “round everyone else” arm swish in the video.

• Did Avril do her own stunts in this video? I feel like this is something I knew at one point.

• Heavy black eyeliner around bright blue eyes is a top-notch look. It just is.

• I love when music videos do the thing where they’re performing live, but then it cuts to a scene and they’re also mouthing the words from the song in the scene. “You’re making me!” as a transition between the different sets of the video. Art!

• If I was going through racks of clothes and a girl jump-scared me I would fucking sue.

• Another thing that lives rent-free in my head is Evan Taubenfeld, Avril’s guitarist with the frosted hair. He was always there, playing acoustic guitar next to her at whatever Yahoo! Music session she was doing. Like why do I even still remember this guy’s name, but I totally do. I just looked him up and he apparently has his own record label? I don’t know, his Twitter bio says, “from Sk8er Boi video to Head of A&R Crush Music.” Good for him.

• I love the moment when the popular-looking girl mouths “That’s disgusting” when Avril puts on the deodorant in the middle of the store. The perfect reminder that Avril is Not Like Other Girls! But I am apparently at least a little bit like other girls because if that deodorant was for sale than it is in fact disgusting. Also theft. Some of this is Adult Me talking but I’ve always been this way. If finding-it-obnoxious-that-these-kids-are-fucking-up-the-mall is wrong, I don’t want to be right!

• Another reason I’ve been really into Avril lately — her songs are just so fun to sing. I don’t have a great voice, I definitely do not have her range, and yet even notes that have me screeching in the car are doing it in a fun way. You should hear me on that “Tell me!” Like you just stepped on a cat’s tail. Top of my lungs, having the time of my life.

• I do not want to relitigate the punk v. poser stuff, but there’s something so endearing to me about Avril in this video, looking and acting the way she does, singing this message of being yourself and not faking it. Because she is, at least to me, quite obviously faking it? There’s a very “you laugh because I’m different, I laugh because you’re all the same” energy to her whole schtick. She is playing a role just as much as a preppy kid plays a role, as much as that popular kid plays a role, whatever. And I genuinely don’t think she saw it that way at the time and I don’t think most of us see it that way, when we’re 17 and figuring out who we are and how we want people to see us. I don’t know. To the extent Avril is a “poser” I find it charming. The bravado of it all.

• In general, I find Avril so interesting, both as a visual on my screen and a voice in my ears. The overly pointy canines, the way she tilts her head, the way she enunciates so sharply in her vocals. Just revisiting her music in the past couple weeks, I didn’t even realize how many little moments were embedded in my brain, where I could almost rub over them like a comforting stone in my pocket.

To close this out, I thought you’d enjoy this blast from the past Avril Lavigne-inspired photo shoot I did back in college lol. To set the scene: I was probably laughing about how Avril did the same four poses in every picture, my roommate was an art/photography major and had SO many clothes (she now runs a vintage clothing shop in St. Pete called ARTpool — you may remember she helped me pick out my launch event outfit! — so we were both on-brand even back then) . . . and this was what resulted. This photoshoot where I mostly remember thinking, “How can she stand to have her hair in her eyes like this?” because it was driving me wild.

The four main poses!!! Serious, slightly pouty, preferably in front of a chain link fence if you can find it; arms inexplicably crossed for no reason, fists up like you're about to fight; ubiquitous rock horns; kicking, more fighting poses, remember you're tough!

*this is said with love, okay? But get outta my face/hey, hey/you’re not my taste/hey, hey/I am so sick of you/you’re on my nerves/I want to puke I mean, I’m not wrong.

Currently reading . . . I’m still reading Sex, Lies and Sensibility by Nikki Payne and all I can say is am *I* wearing three layers while jogging because it’s getting awfully warm under this collar! (This references something in the book; you’ll get it once you read). I’m also still on my Silvia Moreno-Garcia kick and am in the middle of The Beautiful Ones on audio.

I also started reading Ybor City: Crucible of the Latina South by Sarah McNamara, and man, what a fascinating book. I’ve lived in the Tampa area most of my life, have been in and around Ybor City quite a bit, knew about its history as the center of Cuban cigar manufacturing in the United States (throw a rock and you’ll hit an old cigar factory), but I really had no idea the extent of all the history here. Immigration, international relations with Cuba, labor activism and reforms, race relations in the U.S., if you look at the last 150 years or so in this one concentrated area there’s so much to learn. Loving it!

watching . . . I just reached the episode in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend with “Research Me Obsessively” performed by Brittany Snow and I’ve decided this may be one of my favorite songs on the whole show. It’s not in the music video below, because it’s part of the dialogue leading up to the scene, but nothing made me laugh harder than when both Rebecca and Valencia are just mumbling random nonsense to pretend they’re keeping up with the conversation while they’re actually both looking up their shared ex on Instagram.

listening to . . . I have so many thoughts on Avril Lavigne right now they can’t even be contained to one newsletter. I will say one niche moment I love is in “Don’t Tell Me” when she sings “I’m really upset (really upset).” Something about that little echo KILLS me. I’ve been walking around the house going “I’m really upset (really upset).” Except it’s when like, my phone died when I was in the middle of texting someone.