and it's not a dream anymore!
It has been a whirlwind couple of weeks, and I wanted to tell you all about it the only way I know how — through a Paramore song lol.
Love in the Time of Serial Killers came out on August 16, and a lot of cool stuff has happened since then! It hit the indie bestseller and Publishers Weekly bestseller lists. I’ve seen lots of cool pictures featuring it on Instagram (I have a soft spot for the ones that recreate the cover or feature a cat, but my mind has been blown by how creative bookstagram can be!). And I had the most amazing time at my launch event at Tombolo Books in St. Pete and got to sign a bunch of books and meet a bunch of cool people.
Things are looking up, oh finally
I thought I’d never see the day when you’d smile at me
I’ve mentioned this in the newsletter before, and also on social media and in various interviews, etc., but . . . LITTOSK is not my first book! It’s definitely not my first manuscript (I can’t even count how many I’ve written . . . and I guess it depends on if you let me add up all the 65k manuscripts I ALMOST finished and then let languish on a computer drive somewhere). And it’s not my first published book, either — about a decade ago, I wrote a YA novel and co-wrote a four-book middle-grade series and a teen guide to astrology, of all things. LITTOSK IS my adult debut, which is part of why you’ll hear it referred to that way sometimes.
Suffice to say that just in case you think release week felt LESS special to me because I’d “been through it before,” please know that it actually felt SO MUCH MORE SPECIAL to me for that very reason. I didn’t know if I’d ever get back here.
Honestly, can you believe we crossed the world while it’s asleep?
I’ll never trade it in ‘cause I’ve always wanted this
“Looking Up” is actually one of my favorite Paramore songs, for a lot of reasons. I love when bands get meta about what it feels like to be in a band. Hayley has said that they wrote it partially because they wanted an upbeat, feel-good song, “You know the kind of song that makes you roll your windows down and sing really loud even in dead-stop traffic.” There are several live performances of it that are iconic to me, including the time Hayley and Taylor played it acoustically to celebrate 200,000 members of paramore.net (IF THAT’S NOT A FUCKING TIME CAPSULE) and then when Paramore opened its first 2018 Parahoy Cruise set with the song (I WAS THERE IT WAS MAGICAL).
It’s so easy to get jaded about stuff. I have a strong tendency toward cynicism myself! The hand strikes and gives a flower and after a while you don’t appreciate the flowers as much because you’re focused on the strike. But like, this band went from being some kids in Tennessee to playing this very song on international waters on a cruise ship devoted just to them. That’s wild. That deserves a little roll-the-windows-down-and-belt-it-out kind of moment.
Could’ve given up so easily
I was a few cheap shots away from the end of me
Taking for granted most everything
That I would have died for just yesterday
If you know anything about Paramore’s journey (and if you don’t, I could make a PowerPoint), you know that the entire context behind Brand New Eyes was that they were tired and in-fighting a lot after the success of their previous albums. This third record was a celebration of how they’d worked through those struggles and knit themselves back together.
. . . and then the band exploded again. The Farro brothers left in the kind of messy, LiveJournal manifesto way that could’ve only happened in the 2010’s, and then Paramore went underground before emerging four years later with an album that opened with Been through the ringer a couple times/I came out callous and cruel/And my two friends know this very well/Because they went through it, too.
Oooof.
The point is, as someone who CAN tend toward cynicism, I think we should find ways to celebrate the good moments. I keep feeling . . . nervous? I don’t know if that’s the right word. But I keep finding myself holding back from celebrating too much about the last couple of weeks just because I think, well — to quote another Paramore lyric, I should’ve known when things are going good/That’s when I get knocked down. Which is how I ended up writing this newsletter about a really happy song that pumps me up and have found a way to make it about how I’m Feeling Conflicted again. Whoops.
So let me put away my PowerPoint about the rollercoaster of human experience (a recycled version of the one about Paramore’s journey, in case you’re wondering) for just a minute and tell you some highlights from my launch event, which was truly one of the best nights of my life:
Everyone at Tombolo Books was LOVELY and truly couldn’t have been kinder or run the event better!
I saw a lot of familiar faces — my husband and sister were there of course, but also friends from grad school, my long-time NaNoWriMo buddy who has written more words with me than anyone else, people from my romance book club, etc. One of my bosses even came, which meant a lot to me but which was also a little awkward because I don’t even show my tattoos at work but here I was bare-armed and talking about the “spicy bits” in my book! I think I had to literally black out to get through it because I don’t remember much about anything I actually said.
I also enjoyed meeting new people! And some of the requests for “unhinged content” to sign books with were hysterical. I apologize especially to the friend who got my attempt at drawing the Elmo fire meme because I don’t know what that blob was but it sure wasn’t Elmo.
For the event, I was “in conversation” with Carmen Alvarez and if it felt like talking to an old friend, well . . . that’s because she is an old friend! I met Carmen many years ago when I was at a book club, saw HER book club meeting a few tables away, and sidled on over to invite myself into it. She is wonderful and FABULOUSLY fashionable as you can see from the picture above, and I can think of no one else who I would’ve rather shared the stage with.
Fashion-wise, I knew I couldn’t begin to compete with Carmen, BUT I did put a modicum of effort into my Look and I want to share the details with you. I really wish I’d taken a better picture where I could point to all the different items like it was a magazine ad or something. My big splurge was that I bought this Wildfang coverall (using an affiliate discount from Carmen herself . . . when I tell you she held my hand through every facet of this event, I really, really mean it). It was a fun nod to a moment in the book, and also allowed me to feel like I was somewhat put together without having to match different pieces into an outfit. Highly recommend coveralls for this purpose! Do not recommend coveralls for having to use the bathroom in public spaces. I got around this by low-key dehydrating myself! Do not necessarily recommend that.
In addition to the coveralls, I wore a cute little knife barrette in my hair which you can unfortunately not see in the picture. Instagram pushed it to me after I’d typed LOVE IN THE TIME OF SERIAL KILLERS so many times my sponsored posts went off the deep end, and what can I say. I got got. Other jewelry included my Wander Franco #5 necklace that was a giveaway at one of the Rays games. Represent!
I did not wear a single bit of the overpriced makeup I bought thinking I would become a different person in time for the event, but I do still appreciate the hell out of another friend of mine who texted me item-by-item recommendations to help me brave Sephora. Thank you, Jessica!!!
The store let me put together a playlist that they played after the Q&A portion and during the signing, and I overhead someone saying “this is nothing but bangers” and BETTER BELIEVE I’M STILL GLOWING! The playlist featured songs that I either listened to while writing, was inspired by, or explicitly mentioned in the book.
God knows the world doesn’t need another band
Whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh
But what a waste it would’ve been
Whoa-oh
This is my favorite part of “Looking Up,” and I think about it all the time. Because the world doesn’t need another band, you know? Or another book, or another whatever. The world would’ve kept turning if I’d never released LITTOSK, my life would’ve gone on, nobody would know the difference, who cares.
But what a fucking waste! To have a story in you and not get it out. To not try. To not allow yourself to experience all the ups and downs that go along with it. God knows *I* need Paramore! And I needed to write this book. I’m glad that I did!
Currently reading . . . I just finished Cool for the Summer by Dahlia Adler and enjoyed it a lot! Since now you know I’ve been around the writing scene for A While, I will tell you that Dahlia has been doing THE WORK for a long time. She’s a brilliant writer and one of the loveliest, most enthusiastic supporters of LGBTQ+ YA in particular. She is also the person most likely to shout at you to update your author website, which is why I try to keep a low profile lest she call me out for mine.
watching . . . I started For All Mankind because my space-loving husband was DYING for me to watch it. I’m only two episodes in, but it’s good so far! It makes me a little self-conscious about the gaps in my knowledge, tho, when I keep having to check what’s actual history versus alternate history in the show. It’s like when I read a Greek mythology retelling and know there are lots of clever, brilliant little homages that are just . . . lost on me. Circe was a fun read for me because that shit was BRAND NEW lol.
listening to . . . with the announcement of Taylor Swift’s Midnights, how could I listen to anything else but her entire discography in chronological order?! It’s such a relief to know what my personality can be from now through at least the end of October. I’m letting Taylor take the wheel.