'nother fortnight lost in america

ttpd album by taylor swift & thoughts & preorder art reveal

I told myself I wasn’t going to write about The Tortured Poets Department as a topical subject because, well, there’s discourse enough. You know? Trying to zoom out with the kindness possible lens, there’s something beautiful about cultural events that are big enough to inspire moments of connection and conversation around a shared experience. It’s one reason I love sports! I’m not great at small talk but I can talk to anyone anywhere anytime about a baseball game.

But it can also get tiring, when everyone is talking about the same thing, or else complaining about how everyone else is talking about the same thing, and on and on. I’m not a Marvel movie watcher, for example, and I try not to make “I don’t give a fuck about Marvel movies” a key part of my personality but also . . . I’m not the one for a longform analysis of the franchise.

All of this intro to say that in this newsletter I’m going to go track-by-track to share quick thoughts about The Tortured Poets Department, many of which are only tangentially connected to the songs themselves. It’s really more about creativity and art and poetry and random shit I’ve been thinking about lately.

I’m also going to tuck in a reveal of the preorder swag for The Art of Catching Feelings! Only because I got it last night but already had this newsletter planned. There are 31 tracks and 3 pieces of preorder swag, so let’s dive in.

Fortnight (feat. Post Malone)

My father-in-law loves Post Malone. It’s so funny to me because it’s unexpected, and he seems to understand that it’s unexpected, because whenever he brings him up it’s always with a lot of caveats like about how it’s so weird, all the tattoos on his face! The conversation always ends with, “But he can really sing, though, you gotta hear him.” I love Ethan Hawke and Josh Charles and I love the nod to Dead Poets Society by having them in the music video, even though that’s a movie I never ever want to see again because I find it unbearably sad. I really like this song!

The Tortured Poets Department

I subscribe to Caitlin Cowan’s PopPoetry newsletter, which is a really brilliant look at the intersection of pop culture and poetry — when a poem is used in a movie, when a celebrity writes a book of poetry, that kind of thing. She wrote about this album, of course, and I thought it was really interesting to read her thoughts on whether there should be an apostrophe in the title (no! and stop being so pedantic about it); whether songs can “count” as poetry (Caitlin doesn’t believe in gatekeeping around these things!); and the implications of “Tortured Poet” used to reflect a personal, emotional experience when there are real, political meanings to that phrase in the world today.

Like a tattooed golden retriever is a line that also made me really think . . . c’mon, Taylor reads romance novels. She has to. Because not that I don’t think she could’ve come across that phrase in an article somewhere, or from a friend, not that it’s even that much of a stretch to organically think “this guy has the playful, clingy energy of a golden retriever BUT he’s also covered in tattoos so!” . . . but that particular phrase really felt to me like she’s In the Community. Just a thought.

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

This one’s a bop. It definitely stood out to me on first listen and — full confession? — I wasn’t sure how to feel about this album on first listen. I was listening to it in a Chicago hotel room, earbuds in while I moved around my room getting ready and reading over the conference schedule and trying to figure out where I needed to be when. So I KNEW even as I was listening that I wasn’t giving the album my full attention, that it probably wasn’t fair to make any snap judgments about it, but also my main impression was a little bit . . . the songs all kinda sound the same? I saw several hot takes that she could’ve used an editor, and maybe I agree?

Which is part of why I’m writing this now, because I’m glad I sat with the songs for longer. I’ve been listening nonstop and am pretty obsessed with the album, which is not really surprising when you consider that my suggested playlists are often some variation of Sad Pisces Girl Music.

I’m queen of sand castles he destroys is a great lyric.

Down Bad

This song also immediately got stuck in my head! I was chatting about it with a friend and how much I loved that Taylor was in her “I say ‘fuck’ now” era because I just like cursing, I’m sorry. If you read this newsletter surely this isn’t a surprise to you. So I’m in the middle of Barnes & Noble with my friend, like, “I love a good fuck!” meaning the WORD okay the use of the WORD but yes, I did hear how it came out sounding. And in front of the New & Noteworthy section?!?! Have a little class!

So Long, London

How much sad did you think I had? This song is devastating. One thing I think is the hardest part of losing someone you love — a romantic partner, of course, but also a friend, a colleague, anyone — is the way you lose the places you used to go together, the inside jokes you used to have, a whole common language. This grief is very real.

But Daddy I Love Him

Taylor has always excelled at songs that tell a story — her country roots! — and this song is no exception. Now I’m running with my dress unbuttoned/Screaming “But Daddy I love him!” . . . I’m telling him to floor it through the fences/No, I’m not coming to my senses, you really FEEL it. I still think made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter is such a great lyric because of how much it does in so few words.

Fresh Out the Slammer

This song is such a vibe. Lots of prison/imprisonment imagery on this album.

Florida!!! (feat. Florence + the Machine)

As a Floridian and a Florence + the Machine fan, OF COURSE I was going to love this song. I love stuff that gets at how Florida is a little wild and weird, and this feels like a sonic Lauren Groff short story so I was immediately into it. THAT BEING SAID I will acknowledge as a Floridian that I am already a little burned out on this song being paired with anything to do with Florida. While also acknowledging that I myself was planning to post about my friend Tyler Gillespie’s poetry collection Florida Man and thinking about pairing this song with it lol. It’s okay if *I* do it.

This collection is so good! Tyler writes about growing up as a fifth generation Floridian, uses journalistic techniques to interview people behind viral “Weird Florida” headlines and report on various statistics, and explores queerness in a personal and political way.

Guilty as Sin?

What if he’s written ‘mine’ on my upper thigh only in my mind? Ahhhh when she comes in with this line.

This is the song that most reminds me of Daphne in The Art of Catching Feelings, because frankly she DOES feel a lot of guilt about the way she thinks about Chris. She feels it when they’re chatting via DM and he doesn’t know that she was the one who heckled him; she feels it when they start working together and he doesn’t realize they’ve already been DMing; she knows she probably SHOULDN’T think of him romantically or sexually for many reasons but she also can’t help herself.

Which brings me to my first preorder swag reveal! Below is an art print illustrated by Jenifer Prince, showing Chris and Daphne texting each other.

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?

The emotion she puts into “Don’t you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth” really gets me. Some of my favorite Taylor songs are the ones where you can tell she’s PISSED. I am also thriving from all the memes you can make pairing You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me with like, a shot of Tyra Banks standing with two girls in front of her and only one photo in her hands.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

They shake their heads saying, “God, help her”
When I tell them he's my man
But your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger
I can fix him, no, really I can

My friend and I were talking about how sometimes Taylor is SO earnest that you forget she can be pretty funny. I don’t know, that line about your good Lord not needing to lift a finger kills me.

loml

An Instagram meme account posted lyrics of this with a picture of Emily and Richard from Gilmore Girls which is just RUDE and UNNECESSARY how are you about to wreck me with a fucking MEME?! I need the audiobook tracklisting to know how to pronounce this one. L-O-M-L? Llama-l? Love of my Life? Loss of My Life?

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

This could be worthy of an entire newsletter just to itself. Suffice to say that yeah, the idea of going through all this shit in your personal life and then getting up on a stage night after night and playing the larger-than-life role you know everyone wants from you . . . how could that not be a mindfuck? In a way, it’s exactly what The Art of Catching Feelings is about. It’s DEFINITELY what my 2025 romance is about. It’s probably one of my three core themes, because I just think life is hard and sometimes it’s a goddamn wonder that we wake up every day and keep going.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

This was one of those songs that didn’t grab me at all the first few times I listened to the album. If anything, the beginning of it felt very . . . pedestrian to me? Something about the melody, the piano, it felt like listening to someone figuring out a song in their bedroom. The line If rusting my sparkling summer was the goal bothered me because it feels like it’s missing a syllable somewhere.

And then, I don’t know, I listened to it one more time and it just CLICKED. That effect on her voice when she comes in with Were you sent by someone? The anger, the pain in her voice, this song is the most BRUTAL thing she’s ever written like FUUUCK. And I actually think that slower, plodding intro is part of what sets you up for it. So anyway. Shows what I knew. This is now a sleeper favorite of mine.

The Alchemy

Based solely on some of the sports imagery in this song I’ll share with you the second part of my preorder swag! These are the fronts of some baseball cards illustrated by Jenifer Prince — I’m still working on putting together the text that will eventually go on the back.

Clara Bow

After the Chicago-North Spring Fling conference, a reader posted in her story about talking to Kate Clayborn about this song, and Kate re-posted it with some additional comment, and I just want to be part of this conversation, okay! Imagine me sitting at my signing table (which was close to Kate’s) leaning over like Dwight Shrute at the end of the long table at Benihana, going, “Michael! Michael! What is he saying!”

The Black Dog

I was in a grad school poetry class when I learned that “black dog” was a common symbol of depression. It seemed like everyone knew that except me. Anyway, this song is very sad and I don’t understand how you don’t miss me is truly one of THE worst feelings of any break-up.

imgonnagetyouback

If you’re wondering, this was the point where I thought, “Should you actually write about EVERY single track?” But anyway. I am very easy to please with wordplay in songs. I still get a kick out of Avril’s “I wish you were her”/you left out the “e” so the idea that Taylor’s gonna get him back! Either as in “we’ll be together again!” or “I’ll get my revenge” hahaha I see what you did there, I’m into it!

The Albatross

I learned what an albatross was from The Rescuers Down Under (1990). This was also the movie that taught me different lyrics to “Home on the Range” which got me in trouble in my fourth grade music class. What a radicalizing movie!!

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

I listened to this song on a loop while I rode my bike through the neighborhood, which are the exact contemplative listening conditions I would recommend to anyone. Something about If you want to break my cold, cold heart/Just say “I loved you the way that you were” with nothing but the sidewalk in front of me, the wind in my hair, moving aside momentarily for a car, smiling at a family walking their dogs. It was lovely and sad and beautiful.

How Did It End?

Another devastatingly relatable breakup song, about the way everyone wants to know why your relationship ended and sometimes you’re like, yeah, I’d love to know that myself. This is the song I was most thinking of when I said that I didn’t know when writing Daphne into 2024 that she’d have to deal with THIS coming out the week before her divorce was finalized. I want to tell her friend Kim hey, check on your girl, creep on her Spotify history and make sure she puts on the B-52’s “Roam” once in a while.

So High School

I love how she managed to make this song feel light and breezy and young. Something about the music even reminds me of her older Fearless-era stuff. These lyrics are also VERY suggestive! I’m into it!

I Hate It Here

An Instagram astrology account paired this song with Pisces, and at first I was upset because, well . . . it’s not my favorite song, and I always want my favorite song paired with my zodiac sign even if it doesn’t actually make any sense lol. (Don’t get me started on how March often gets a dud picture on yearly wall calendars! It’s true! I have a chip on my shoulder about it!).

But then I’m like that guy in The Wedding Singer who gets upset when Adam Sandler calling him out for wanting more cake until he’s like, okay, yeah, fair, I do want more cake. This song is all about nostalgia, which is a very Pisces trait, definitely a very ME trait, it references The Secret Garden, the title is a ready-made meme, I will gladly accept my Pisces song.

thanK you aIMee

“And so I changed your name and any real defining clues” and then she capitalized the letters in the title TAYLOR lololol. I don’t need my Little Orphan Annie decoder ring to figure that one out.

I Look in People’s Windows

One way that Taylor is inspiring to me on a creative level is just how prolific she is — like even this album, she wrote and recorded 31 songs in less than a year?! While touring?! As a CATHARSIS?! And even though a lot of her Easter eggs and cross-references and hidden clues are frankly lost on me, I think it’s really cool that she does it, that her work is in conversation with so many things, with itself. For example, this song is musically similar to “Death by a Thousand Cuts,” which includes the lyric I look through the windows of this love. So sometimes what might sound like repetition (bad) is actually very purposeful, intentional repetition.

I actually thought about this a lot as I wrote John’s book and put in a lot of references, callbacks, beats and thematic imagery back to With Love, from Cold World . . . I was like, man, I hope people know I’m doing this on purpose!

The Prophecy

Sometimes I associate a particular song with a person, only because they happened to post about it at the right time for it to imprint in my brain. I still think about a blog post Robin Benway wrote about Paramore’s “Misguided Ghosts” from back in 2008. Isn’t that wild?

Anyway, Colby Wilkens happened to post that this was one of her favorites off the album and since at the time I had no associations with it in my head I now think, “Ah, one of Colby’s favorites” when it comes on. Colby happens to also have a great romance out later this fall, If I Stopped Haunting You, with a cover illustrated by Jenifer Prince!

Cassandra

I feel like folklore and evermore really gave us the depth of Taylor’s lower range. I feel this way about Hayley Williams’ solo stuff, too, actually, that it brought more nuance to her lower register on the follow-up Paramore album.

Peter

Recently when a friend had a baby and hinted that he was “named after a Taylor Swift song” I jokingly guessed August, Ronan, or Tim McGraw, but this album in particular is giving us a lot more options, huh?

The Bolter

All her fuckin’ lives/flashed before her eyes, see we’re getting those well-placed uses of “fuck,” we’re getting that low register, I’m not looking a 31-song gift horse in the mouth!!!

Robin

For absolutely zero reason other than I have to wrap this up, here’s the last piece of preorder swag! This Carolina Battery sticker was designed by Kelsey Bowman (half of Archetype: Author Branding, Marketing & Design) and I can’t wait to stick it on everything I own!

The Manuscript

Okay, re whether or not this album needed to be edited. I keep going back and forth on this, and truly the question in my mind stops being about this particular album at all and more just an interesting debate to have about art in general. There’s something raw and pure about just seeing all the output, the way the creator wanted it, with an acknowledgment that some of it might be self-indulgent or bloated or recursive or whatever but who cares? That’s almost part of it — you’re getting my full rough draft, you’re getting my deleted scenes, you’re getting my notes to myself and my mistakes and the most unfiltered view of what I was thinking and feeling at this time.

At the same time, this IS still clearly a highly produced album! It’s a stylized product that is in part carefully crafted to approximate that raw, stream-of-consciousness type feeling. It has multiple alternate editions in Target! So you could make the argument that when a professional artist is putting art out into the world, part of their job IS to edit it and curate it and make sure it’s as tight and polished as it can possibly be.

I don’t think there are right or wrong answers here, honestly. I think it comes down to taste and what you like and how you define art and that is all very subjective. I respect a 10-song album with 4 singles and 0 skips on it and I also think it’s cool that music can be more immediate and intimate nowadays, you can say fuck it I’m putting out what I want to the way I want to. It’s like how indie publishing can pivot and innovate so much faster than trad publishing can, for example, which is one benefit to that route.

Okay, WOOOOF, speaking of needing an editor!!!!!! This newsletter is so long and all over the place. Since I buried the preorder stuff within all my random thoughts, I just hope you know that:

• The best way to preorder The Art of Catching Feelings where you will automatically get ALL the swag (art print, two baseball cards, and sticker), AND I will sign/personalize it any way you want, is to go through my local indie Tombolo Books! Just put any personalization request in the comments of the order.

• You can also preorder from anywhere and then fill out this Google form and I will mail you the swag separately! This is open internationally!!

As one final announcement, LOOK at this change to my launch event!!! That’s right, it’s going to be held at Tropicana Field, my baseball home away from home!!!! Look at the little Rays logo at the bottom of the graphic!!! I could not be more excited, if the exclamation points didn’t clue you in. Plus, this means that PARKING WILL BE NO PROBLEM because we get to use one of the big Rays lots! It’s a St. Pete Miracle!

It is a ticketed event (where the ticket includes a copy of the book to get signed). You can find more information here. I really can’t thank Tombolo Books enough; they’re the ones who made this all happen.

Currently reading . . . I just finished What Is Love? by Jen Comfort and the way I’m OBSESSED with it. It was so good. I basically texted Jen this morning to be like WAKE THE FUCK UP WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THIS BOOK and then I got busy and failed to text every tiny thing I loved about it which would probably be overwhelming but there was so much?

watching . . . I watched an actual, recent, award-winning movie this week! Look at me go! My husband rented Poor Things and then told me he’d rewatch it with me during the 48-hour window, so we did. “This movie’s hard on the senses, huh?” I said about five minutes in but overall I really enjoyed it! I kept comparing it to The Favourite until I realized, oh, that’s because they were made by the same guy lol. So THAT explains it. Between me figuring that shit out (/aka responding to a clear and obvious common style, then confirming it on IMDB), decoding “thanK you aIMee,” and reading a book all about trivia, I’ve gotta be doing at LEAST as much for my brain as one of those word search phone games, right?

listening to . . . It’s been a lot of The Tortured Poets Department, but I did put on Weezer in the car on the way to school for my son because I’m a good mom. (I love that he’s super into Weezer! And has opinions!)

preordering . . . Taleen Voskuni’s Lavash at First Sight and Cat Sebastian’s You Should Be So Lucky both release on May 7, which makes it a pretty banner day for romance in my book. I read both books early and really loved them, so I highly recommend you add them to your towering, 31-song long TBR! That was just my way of trying to bring things full circle; you and I both know your TBR is longer than that.