'cause you're working/building a mystery

"building a mystery" by sarah mclachlan & my amazon original mystery

Okay, after various delays (hurricane) and interruptions (my sudden need to talk about Tegan and Sara’s catfishing documentary), I’m *finally* ready to tell you all about this short mystery I wrote. It’s called A Classic Case, it’s part of the Amazon Originals Busybodies Collection along with five other amazing stories, and you can read it/listen to the audio for free if you’re a Prime member or subscribe to Kindle Unlimited, or otherwise purchase it for like $1.99 if you’re not. (Personally, I LOVED the audio of it, narrated by Helen Laser, whose performance of Yellowface make it one of my top audiobooks of all time even though, yes, it’s quite triggering to listen to as an author lol. But I’m not too proud to admit I listened to the audiobook of A Classic Case like . . . three times? What can I say, I loved it.)

The gist of the story, without giving too much away: Audrey loves going to her local video rental store every Wednesday at two, in part because she has a bit of a crush on the hot, taciturn owner of the store, and in part because that’s when sweet Mr. Hoffman shows up to rent his same move over and over. But when Mr. Hoffman doesn’t show one day, Audrey fears the worst, and so she decides to investigate.

I love mysteries! I grew up reading the The Cat Who . . . series by Lillian Jackson Braun (I put a little homage to them in Cold World when Asa is looking at Lauren’s bookshelf). Writing this story felt like a special challenge to me, both in the mystery aspect but also in the length, because it turns out writing 10,000 words of something is very different than writing 100,000 words of something! Especially in a mystery, where you don’t have as much room to develop red herrings or clues or have someone go on a long investigation. When I was coming up with the idea for my story, I knew I wanted it to be fairly contained — limited in place, time, and characters — and I knew I wanted it to have a romantic element, as well. Throw in my nostalgia for Blockbuster, love of Audrey Hepburn movies, some Florida representation, one spoiled cat, and voila.

So yeah, I’m very proud of this little story, and had a lot of fun writing it. Lest you think I’m some kind of raging egomaniac monster who only listened to the audio for my own story three times (lolol), I listened to the entire collection and found all the stories delightful! Elle Cosimano’s writing is just so SHARP and funny, and the way she uses real estate details (the direction the carpet is vacuumed in! location location location!) in Staged was masterful. Jesse Q. Sutanto’s critical Asian mother who does NOT care for the fiancee her son dragged home in The Reunion Dinner was HYSTERICAL to me. The way she just could not STAND watching that woman put her fingernails all over her son! When I finished reading Crime of Fashion and looked up author Emma Rosenblum’s beauty/fashion magazine credentials, I was like OF COURSE, because the way she wrote about that world felt so rich and detailed and true. I loved the elderly busybody woman in Nita Prose’s The Nosy Neighbor who has all these opinions about her neighbor Doris and what she gets up to. And Kellye Garrett’s One Lucky Subscriber is such a fun take on those “challenge” videos that I know chillingly well thanks to having two tween/teen kids in the house, she NAILED the set-up and the lingo and I was just so impressed with how she squeezed every last bit out of the Promise of the Premise.

And the WHOLE TIME I was working on my mystery I kept thinking of this song, “Building a Mystery” by Sarah McLachlan, since that’s basically what I was doing. Imagine having this song in your head for months. Not mad about it, actually.

In honor of these short little mysteries, I thought it would be fun to tackle 10 Micro Mysteries from my own life, just things I’ve always wondered about and will probably never solve. (I did solve a couple of them below, just to give SOME closure.)

Here we go:

1. What was Hayley Williams’ favorite track off Twenty One Pilots’ Blurryface?

   When the album came out, she tweeted about her favorite song, and I *think* it was “Polarize” but then sometimes I hear “The Judge” and I think, no, it was this one, but then I hear “Polarize” and I’m like, no, this is the one she said. I just found it very interesting, whatever her favorite track was, and now I wish I remembered. Solveability: On the one hand, I’m not on Twitter anymore, TWITTER’s not Twitter anymore, pretty sure Paramore has cleared their accounts several times since then. On the other hand, if Hayley said it then it’s been posted to a reddit thread or fansite somewhere and so I could probably figure this out if I really wanted to. Maybe I like the not knowing.

2. Did Phoebe Bridgers ever get the copy of Love in the Time of Serial Killers?

   I saw Phoebe Bridgers live in May 2022, a few months before my debut romance came out, and I cringe-ily brought an ARC to the show with me and gave it to someone at the merch stand to give to her! At the time it seemed like a good idea since Punisher inspired that book so much and I’d even named the main character in part as an homage to her, but now looking back I’m like maybe that was weird. Either way, I wonder if she got the book. Solveability: I mean, OBVIOUSLY she didn’t get the book or she would’ve read it immediately and sent me a message about how much she LOVED it and how she was moved to write this original song inspired by it, if that wasn’t too bold? But also sometimes you read interviews with your favorite artists and their favorite authors are like, Carmen Maria Machado and Sally Rooney and Miranda July and you’re like, ahhh okay maybe my book will not be for you lol. Best leave it unsolved.

3. What happened at that big diner altercation?

   Almost a year ago, I was in NYC having breakfast with a couple friends, when this HUGE altercation broke out — yelling, cursing, it was intense! A customer appeared to start it but there was an employee of the diner who was giving it back just as good. I heard all of the aftermath (lots of “I don’t have to take this from you,” “This is bullshit,” that kind of thing), but I never heard what STARTED it. Solveability: I actually had an impulse to go back to the diner the next day and be like, “Hey, hope everything’s okay, I was here yesterday and that got pretty wild! What happened?” but then I didn’t. So now I think I’ve let the trail go cold. The first 48 hours are the most important, EVERYONE knows that, Alicia!

4. What songs were on the Do Not Play list from that wedding in Atlanta?

   When I was at Love Y’All earlier this year (I’ll be there again next year, by the way!!!), I was in the elevator with a couple bridesmaids for a wedding that weekend, and they started talking about the songs the Bride had put on her Do Not Play List. OF COURSE I was leaning in because I wanted to hear all of them, but then they got off on a different floor and the doors closed just before I could get even one juicy tidbit of Sugar Ray or Smashmouth. Solveability: I’d say I’d never know, but I mean. What if I looked up that exact hotel, weddings held there or near there that weekend, what if I messaged the bride through her The Knot page or whatever, what if . . . okay. This one will not reasonably be solved. But I’ll tell you the song that I hate so much I once walked into a grocery store and WALKED IMMEDIATELY THE FUCK OUT when I heard it playing, as if by instinct, I didn’t even think about it, and that’s “Bittersweet Symphony” by The Verve. I’m so sorry if you love that song, truly do not mean any ill will, but it is on my Lifetime Do Not Play List.

5. Why did Dean R. Koontz remove the R.?

   While I’m making True Confessions, I was more of a Dean Koontz girl than a Stephen King girl growing up. There, I said it. I loved both writers’ books, to be clear, but I was ALL IN on those Dean Koontz books. I noticed that he switched from Dean R. Koontz to just Dean Koontz after a while, and I always wondered why. Solveability: I googled this one, just to give us a quick little boost of confidence! His FAQ on his website says: “Years ago, I dropped the R from my by-line but for a while still included it in my signature. Then after doing a series of book signings at which I signed over 8,000 copies, I realized that including my middle initial had been a reckless squandering of time.” RECKLESS SQUANDERING OF TIME! What a phrase! Also what a casual flex that he was signing 8,000 copies at once.

   

   found this when I was going through books the other day lol what a weirdo

6. What was that children’s book, the one where [he had a crush on this girl who sat in front of him and he thought her ear looked like a seashell, I think her name might’ve been Hope and she had red hair, maybe something about chess but maybe not, I think at one point they were dressed in silly costumes like maybe she was a hot dog, could this have even been on the cover?] [another where she had long brown hair and her name was something that started with a D in my mind it was Daphne and that’s in fact where I got the name for The Art of Catching Feelings from but honestly it might’ve been Deirdre, she daydreamed a lot and got in trouble for it at school but also her parents were going through a divorce, a lot of “D” stuff in this book]?

   I have a lot of these types of mysteries, of books I’ve always thought of for years but can’t seem to figure out what they were. I’ve tried googling little bits of the phrases above, but have never come up with anything. Solveability: I mean, can YOU help? Does any of this mean anything to you? Am I making these books up, have they become warped by time and memory?

7. Did that guy ever get his Nightmare Before Christmas tattoo arm sleeve?

   A few years ago, my husband and I were at a tattoo parlor and this guy was there doing a final consult on this massive Nightmare Before Christmas arm sleeve he had planned out. Which, even if it wouldn’t be my personal thing, I thought was a cool idea even if I admit there was just something funny about hearing them say “Oogie Boogie” so many times and so earnestly. Finally, after all this fanfare, she started on the first part of the tattoo sleeve, which was going to start on his chest/shoulder, and he FREAKED OUT. He did not like the feeling of being tattooed AT ALL. (A general piece of advice is to maybe start with something . . . smaller? Before you jump right into an arm sleeve?) He had to step outside for a bit, and by the time my husband and I got finished with our tattoos he still hadn’t gone back inside. To this day I wonder at the fate of that guy’s arm sleeve. Solveability: If I ever went back to that shop, I’m sure I could ask and I’m sure if the artist is still there she’d remember this story exactly and would be delighted to give an update. But also . . . I’m thinking no, right? No way this guy finished that sleeve. A side side mystery is whether THAT tattoo artist and MY tattoo artist are still broken up or whether they got back together because hoo boy did I hear all about this at another tattoo appointment down the line. If you ever notice the phone tattoo on my left forearm just know that there mixed in all the ink is every intimate detail of that relationship and its devastating end.

8. What happened that time when school was out and skate camp was in but . . . school was ACTUALLY in?

   A local skating place loves to advertise that “when school is out . . . skate camp is in!” and there was one day when they KEPT sending emails to that effect but I was like do they . . . know . . . that actually school is in that day? (It was one of those that we were supposed to have off originally, but then got changed due to hurricane make-up or something similar.) So I always wondered how that went down, like did parents try to drop off their kids, did the skate place go ahead and take them, did they just turn people away at the door like whoops our bad, what happened. Solveability: Another very easy one to solve and yet I did nothing. In retrospect, I would’ve pulled my kids out of school and driven them there myself, real boots on the ground type stuff. And I doubt I could ask anyone who works there now because this was several teenage-job-tenures ago.

9. What is happening on Heartland at any given moment?

   I don’t know if anyone else’s TVs do this (maybe it’s a Samsung thing? I think that’s the brand of our TV?) but it defaults to show episodes of Heartland as a screensaver if left on and idle too long. In this way, I have seen HOURS countless HOURS of random footage from this Canadian horse show. There’s Grandpa and Blonde Main Girl and Shaggy Haired-Guy She’s With and the whole gang. And yet what the fuck is ever going on in this show beyond the very obvious “they’re trying to herd sheep but the sheep won’t herd” (I’ve seen this clip a thousand times! Grandpa gets so mad!), I have no idea. Solveability: I mean, I could watch the show. But where’s the fun in that? I did google one thing and find out the fate of a character that’s pretty dark, but I’ve yet to see the clip where That Happens. Maybe they don’t put the really intense stuff on the screensaver bits? I did once catch Shaggy Hair proposing to Blonde Main Girl and that was very sweet.

10. What were those bright red dots on that guy’s neck at the Phillies game?!

    When I went to the Phillies game at Citizens Bank Park this past summer, I saw this guy who had the WILDEST looking BRIGHT RED DOTS on his neck. And like, I didn’t want to stare, you know?! Not my business if he has some condition or rash, who knows, I wasn’t close enough to him that I would even have to worry about any kind of contagion, it was just one of those things you Can’t Help But Notice, you know? They were just so bright! I know Phillies fans love their team but like, enough to break out into Phillies-colored hives? Solveability: I’m including this one because I DID solve it, and the answer was so elegant and right in front of my face the whole time. On my way out of the stadium, I bought one of those unlicensed street shirts you can get for like $20 (“Stay loose and sexy, baby!”), and then I noticed that little red bits of fuzz came off it before you put it in the wash for the first time. (It’s a $20 street shirt, whaddya want.) The bright red dots! *Perry Mason point* Your Honor, THAT man had been wearing an unlicensed street shirt! THAT man had been staying loose and sexy, baby!

I just got copyedits back to work on for my June 2025 romance, Never Been Shipped, and I just love this book SO GODDAMN MUCH it’s obscene. A fun bit of trivia for you is that today (October 23) is main character Micah’s birthday! I saw her as a Scorpio just on that Libra cusp, and I chose the exact date to correspond to a friend of mine’s birthday (something I like to do, when choosing birthdays for characters!). tbh this year she’s spending her birthday alone and feeling sorry for herself, meanwhile John is 2,500 miles away THINKING about how it’s her birthday but also having no way to text her anymore and not even sure that’s a thing she would want him to do. Don’t worry, next year’s birthday will be a lot better ;)

Currently reading . . . I’m currently reading a physical copy of that Midnight in Chernobyl book that I already listened to the audio for because I have a problem lol. BUT I did also recently read both Intermezzo by Sally Rooney (loved it; underlined so many lines; have lots of Big Thoughts about it) and listened to the audiobook for The Seventh Veil of Salome by Silvia Moreno-Garcia (is there anything she CAN’T write? I would say no). I can’t remember if I’ve listed either one in this section already so I wanted to include them. And speaking of Intermezzo, I was so proud of myself for guessing THIS little mystery, while also realizing it was low-hanging fruit:

watching . . . Because I NEEDED a break from my Chernobyl obsession I decided to watch . . . Meltdown: Three Mile Island. That’ll do it.

listening to . . . My catfishing journey from that Tegan and Sara documentary led me to the Sweet Bobby podcast, which I listened to at an almost feverish pace and then immediately watched the Netflix documentary. Honestly, if you’ve listened to the podcast you really don’t need the Netflix documentary, except I guess to fill out some visuals if you want them.