brought me up tough but i was a gentle human

"life itself" by glass animals & an intro to chris kepler

With less than two months until The Art of Catching Feelings, what better time to introduce you to the two people at the center of the book? I figured I’d start by telling you a little more about Chris Kepler, since today . . . is his birthday!

The song for this week is “Life Itself” by Glass Animals, because it’s Chris’ walkup song at the start of the book. (This is a little tidbit just for you, because technically I say he’s using a Glass Animals song, but not which one!) My Acknowledgments include a shoutout to Sarah Grunder Ruiz and Sarah Hogle because I knew they’re both big Glass Animals fans, and so back when I first started drafting this book (two years ago??? what is time) I asked them for their input on which Glass Animals songs would make the best walkup music. They gave me several great suggestions, and led me to this one, which instantly struck me as a song Chris might pick. He likes a strong, driving beat!

And I decided to include a live performance here instead of the music video because I saw Glass Animals live at a radio music festival (97x Next Big Thing, Tampa folks know!) before I really knew anything about them or their music and they were SO GOOD, like one of those bands where you’re immediately looking them up like wait, who WERE those guys?!?. So I wanted to approximate that experience for you, too, if you’re not familiar.

An early inspiration for Chris’ character, which I wish I could find again, was this meme someone had made of Joey Wendle and Brett Phillips, who both played with the Rays at the time. (One thing about baseball — nothing gold can stay!) The caption was basically about how Joey was like the dad driving through the McDonald’s drive-thru to get a black coffee and Brett was the kid in the backseat begging for a Happy Meal.

Chris is definitely a “black coffee in the drive-thru” kind of guy. He was raised by a no-nonsense single dad. Among the stats that are the most important to him are how many games he starts and how few errors he makes (well, until this season . . .). He just wants to keep his head down and play baseball.

This isn’t explicitly in the book, just lore that lives in my mind — but Chris was also secretly hoping to make the list of MLB players who’d never been ejected, because he prides himself on keeping his cool. (A third baseman hero of his, Brooks Robinson, played 2,896 games without ever being ejected!) But then last season, Chris was up to bat when the umpire made a bad strike call on a ball off the plate, and Chris said, “Is that your outside?” And then the umpire called a ball even farther off the plate a strike, and Chris said, “So that’s your outside” and that little comment got him ejected. He’s still pissed about it! Seven fucking years in the league and that’s what breaks his streak?!

Yes, I caught that “Did you do anything special?” is in the wrong font and needs to be corrected in the final! This is why ARCS say “Uncorrected Proof” on the cover :)

When Chris and Daphne first start DMing, it’s a few days after his birthday, which she clocks when she’s reading through his Wikipedia page. (I, too, have this sickness! I have a pretty good memory for dates and sometimes I really have to sit on my hands to avoid typing something weird like “happy birthday to your sister btw!” when someone I haven’t talked to since high school happens to reach out on the day I remember was their sister’s birthday because once she read my report on Anne Frank I gave as homework to myself and complimented me on it and that meant a lot to me at the time NOT THAT THIS IS A SPECIFIC EXAMPLE.)

And I always feel bad for players if they end up losing on their birthdays, because apparently I am a six-year-old child and still think that day should be special somehow. Chris’ terse response isn’t really about the fact that his team lost on his birthday — he’s used to it, both his team losing (unfortunately) and losing on his birthday (as a Taurus man, he’s played a lot of baseball on his birthday).

But this birthday was especially hard for him, which Daphne wouldn’t know yet — one part of Chris’ backstory is that he lost his older brother to suicide right before the season started. It’s made Chris try to escape into “keep your head down and play baseball” mode more than ever, but it’s also not WORKING and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to talk about it; he wants it to be something he can fix just like he can fix a hitch in his swing or his fielding mechanics.

Art by Jenifer Prince

I hope to be able to reveal my full preorder art VERY SOON, but in the meantime, please appreciate this early sketch from Jenifer Prince showing Chris’ bare hands wrapped around his bat. When I tell you this book is mayyyybe (probably, definitely) even hornier than my previous two, I mean that on several levels but know that I am thinking specifically of “I like to feel the bat.”

I also couldn’t help but put in another reference to Joey Wendle (who does, in fact, eschew batting gloves) but ALSO his Wikipedia page, which used to state that fact proudly until someone edited out the word “eschews” saying “literally NOBODY knows” what that means. Excuse me?!?!?! Get a fucking dictionary, my dude, that was my favorite part!

There’s a lot about planes and hotels in The Art of Catching Feelings, because of course travel is a big part of Chris’ life (and becomes part of Daphne’s once she starts working for the team). It’s funny sometimes, the things you’ll write into your book about a character that just feel true to you, but then you have to stop and think why. In one early text conversation, for example, both Daphne and Chris reveal that they prefer the window seat. Daphne’s reasoning was instantly clear to me — she likes to look out of the window, she’s absolutely someone who would have a camera roll filled with 18 pictures of the same clouds over the course of a flight.

But Chris? He’s a tall guy — if anything, an aisle seat would make more sense so he could stretch out a bit. But I think the first thing is that he’s used to flying on chartered planes with the team, where there’s more room in general, so frankly his “window seat” is nicer than what most of us would be used to. He also deals with anxiety, especially since losing his brother, and I think he likes the feeling of having something solid next to him, likes being a little tucked away from everyone else, likes having the option to look out the window and try to calm his thoughts.

He wouldn’t express any of that. Possibly he doesn’t even know it.

Okay, I could talk about Chris Kepler all day, but I also recognize that I already wrote approximately 350 pages about him and Daphne and I should probably let you just read those before I shove a novella about his childhood and career stats and whatever else in front of your eyeballs. If this kind of behind-the-scenes stuff interests you, there’s currently an auction going where I donated a signed, personalized, annotated ARC of The Art of Catching Feelings, open to ship anywhere in the world to whoever’s the winning bidder. The auction benefits Kulture City, a national organization serving the autism community. It’s a great cause, and there are tons of cool items up for bid, so please check it out!

In the coming weeks, I plan to write a similar newsletter introducing you to Daphne, as well as ones revealing my preorder art and some other neat things. In the meantime, the best way to preorder The Art of Catching Feelings where you can guarantee you’ll get all the swag, PLUS I’ll sign and personalize the book any way you want, is to order from my local indie Tombolo Books. (Just put any personalization request in the comments to your order! The more specific/off-the-wall the request, the more you delight the booksellers at Tombolo — and also me — so keep it up lol.)

I just got back from the Chicago Spring Fling, and had the most wonderful weekend talking on a panel with fellow Berkley authors Jo Segura and Jenna Levine, moderated by Alison Hammer (1/2 of Ali Brady), where I am still embarrassed that I started to cry but vulnerability???? let’s go with it; attending a super helpful talk on writing with ADHD presented by Jen Comfort; jotting down everything Ms. Bev said during her Q&A session; and bringing down the house (aka getting the score closest to 69, which keep in mind is out of 100 lmao) with my rendition of “Sk8er Boi” at karaoke.

Beverly Jenkins and Kate Clayborn were the keynote speakers, which is pretty much THE reason I signed up for the conference in the first place. Kate delivered the most thoughtful, beautiful speech about sensory details in romance, how we use language, and why these are our strengths as a genre. I told Kate she should consider putting the text of the speech out as a newsletter, and lo and behold SHE DID IT! YOU’RE WELCOME!!!! (If you haven’t already read her book The Other Side of Disappearing, or subscribed to her newsletter, here’s your sign!! Everything she writes and says makes me FEEL something and makes me think deeper about the genre and I just love having these nuanced conversations about craft.

I also had a chance to hang with one of my favorite Chicago writers, Julie Hamilton (now writing as Julie Cassidy). Fun fact: Julie read The Art of Catching Feelings early and when I revealed in the book that Chris is a Taurus, Julie wrote me: I KNEW IT!!!!!! Then I told her that his exact birthday was April 24 (it doesn’t say this outright in the text, but you could figure it out if you tracked certain dates and did the math, which I do not expect *YOU* to do but which guaran-fuckin-tee *I* was doing as I mapped out the whole season based on the 2024 calendar, my fictional team’s record at any given point, the schedule of day games and night games and travel days, all of that.

And Julie told me that April 24 was *her* birthday! What a delightful connection!

So in honor of Julie’s birthday and her charming debut romance Just for Show (which ALSO happens to be set on a plane for a crucial part! one of my favorite meet cutes ever!) — I have an extra signed copy to give away! To enter, all you have to do is interact with this newsletter in some way — like it, comment on it, reply to it, share it on Instagram (if you do this, tag me so I know!), whatever. I’ll contact the winner directly by Sunday, April 28 (aka the date Chris and Daphne meet/start talking, for anyone keeping track at home).

Happy birthday, Julie! Happy birthday, Chris! Happy Taurus season, everyone!

Currently reading . . . I read an early copy of Frequent Fliers by Noué Kirwan on my flight home from Chicago, which is one of my favorite things to do on a plane! I only order ginger ale on planes, and I love to read books that have something to do with flying while I travel. On my Spring Fling panel, we happened to talk about a few of our favorite microtropes, and one that came up was “one character sees the other one come out of the shower wearing only a towel and their brain glitches a bit.” WELL. This book sees that microtrope and raises you “one character sees the other one IN the shower in the middle of —” *clears throat* Anyway. I don’t mean to just emphasize one salacious moment (even though it was a standout) because I loved Lanie and Ridley and all their realistic baggage as they navigated their relationship amidst several complications — familial, geographical, emotional, etc. This one’s out in August, but you can preorder at the link above!

watching . . . I do love a ritual tied to a certain place or situation (see: ginger ale on a plane), so of course I watched some Friends reruns in my hotel room. One episode happened to be The One with Ross’ Teeth and omg. I was DYING. Missi Pyle is underrated as an actress because the way she says “Are those your teeth?!?!” lives in my head rent-free.

listening to . . . I mean. Of COURSE I’m listening to The Tortured Poets Department, although it’s taken me a minute to catch up because I did not expect THIRTY-ONE SONGS AT ONCE. This particular newsletter isn’t about Daphne, but all I can say is that if this album got wrapped into my fictional alternate 2024 timeline, it’s an awfully rough one to have come out the week your divorce is finalized lol.

preordering . . . I’m reading Alexandria Bellefleur’s Truly, Madly, Deeply right now, and loving it!! The first chapter alone — it’s so funny, I’m instantly transported, it’s just reminding me how much I always love reading Alexandria’s writing. If you’re in the Tampa/St. Pete area, I will be the conversation partner for Alexandria’s event at Tombolo Books! I’m really looking forward to it, and tickets are going fast, so be sure to RSVP if you’re interested in coming out.