hear you me, my friends
"hear you me" by jimmy eat world & a cinderella story
If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I love an anonymous-communication, she-knows-but-he-doesn’t-know, hidden-identity type of trope. If a story has that element to it, I want it. It’s basically why I wrote The Art of Catching Feelings — to marry my love of that trope with my love of baseball.
Why does it hit for me? There are a lot of reasons, but mostly I just find it hella romantic. The idea that you can fall in love with someone without even knowing what they look like, just through their words and these very intimate communications. The idea that someone you might think of one way could reveal hidden depths if you got to know them through another medium.
And I love it when they both don’t know who each other are, but I kinda fucking love it when one person knows but the other doesn’t. It just sets up a whole new layer of tension, and yes, there’s always a lie involved — but I like a bit of mess. I like when it gets complicated. I like the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop, when it’s a fictional love story and I know I’m going to get my happily ever after in the end.
I already walked you through a formative romance novel for me with this trope in Lori Foster’s Impetuous, now let me walk you through one of my all-time top comfort movies: A Cinderella Story starring Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray. Warning! This newsletter is going to be LONG because I go through the whole movie lol. So if that’s something you’re into, grab your coffee or tea or whatever and settle in, because this movie is everything to me. And it’s 20 years old this year, so what better occasion for a deep dive?
Even the music over the Warner Bros. logo has me INSTANTLY soothed. The closed captioning calls it horns playing a “gentle, noble melody” and you know what, I agree.
The movie opens with a fittingly fairy tale-esque beginning, about how once upon a time a girl lived with her widowed father in the San Fernando Valley. Her dad owns a charming diner with an inspirational quote painted on the wall — Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. — which I have NEVER in my lowest moments whispered to myself as actual inspiration because that would be embarrassing. Sam loves her dad, loves the diner, loves baseball (she’s in LA so can be forgiven for the Dodgers hat), loves life.
Until . . . first her dad meets Fiona, Sam’s soon-to-be evil stepmother (hilariously and exquisitely played by Jennifer Coolidge). Then her dad dies in an earthquake (EXTREMELY mysteriously — the house seems okay, the rest of the family seem okay, I’m not saying it CAN’T happen I’m just saying I would love the details of exactly how) and Sam is left all alone with her stepmother and two “out-of-step-sisters.” It’s a Cinderella story! It’s in the title! You know the drill.
Already I want to say that I know this is a MOVIE and this is HOW THINGS GO but I’m always so distracted by how incredible Sam’s hair looks and how cool her room is. Like, I am supposed to feel sorry for this person just because she’s an orphan and her stepmom is mean to her sometimes?! (That’s a joke, obviously it is terrible that she lost both parents so young and emotional abuse is abuse.) But that is professionally done hair, which means either Sam takes the diner tips she should be saving for that Princeton tuition and gets herself to the salon, or else her evil stepmother takes a break from treating Sam like shit to treat her to a little shampoo+color+cut mother-daughter sesh. And I’m not as irate over Sam’s cute attic bedroom as I was about, oh, say, the fucking WINDOW SEAT that supposedly poorass Dorothy Torkilsen sat on to narrate the opening to every episode of The Torkilsens, but I do just think it’s hilarious in movies how the “girl who doesn’t exist” is way hotter than you and the “orphan’s garret prison” is MTV Cribs.
(People in movies/TV also have so much time in the mornings, like even with waking up at the crack of dawn — which, Sam did not do, the sky is very bright already — how does it make any sense to go to the diner for even a 30-minute shift before school starts? What time does school start?! My kids and I roll out of bed and 15 minutes later they’re at school lol.)
Fiona saying “Droughts are for poor people. You think J Lo has a brown lawn? People who use extra water have extra class” lives absolutely rent-free in my head.
Sam does her cute little shift at the diner so we can see how much her stepmother overworks her, and also how much the diner has changed from the charming unassuming place her dad used to run and into a pink explosion, staff-on-rollerskates, weird-obsession-with-salmon-on-the-menu place under Fiona’s direction. (Don’t hate me but I kinda . . . like it? Not the salmon part, but the decor is cute! An Elvis guitar clock on the wall, idk, I’m into it.) Regina King plays Rhonda, a diner employee who’s been there since the beginning with Sam’s dad and who plays kind of a surrogate parent to Sam. Regina King can do ANYTHING. I would watch her in ANYTHING. I’ve loved Regina King since Jerry Maguire.
Sam rolls by her best friend Carter’s house to pick him up, and he’s this skinny white kid incongruously dressed in what he calls his “Snoop Dizzle” look for some acting role he’s going out for. I do also sometimes repeat Anything is possible if you just believe to myself in the exact way he’s rehearsing it to himself, honestly this movie is fucking REPLETE with motivational quotes!!! Since I opened this up by talking about tropes, I gotta say that I love me a “best friend has been in love with you the whole time but has to watch you crush on someone else until you realize” (Some Kind of Wonderful is my favorite John Hughes movie) but I also very much appreciate a true platonic opposite-sex friendship.
And now. Finally. We get the introduction of our love interest, Austin Ames, a PERFECT teen movie love interest name, played PERFECTLY by teen heartthrob Chad Michael Murray himself. I had a big thing for CMM, I’m not too proud to admit it. I wrote an entire YA novel and an adult sequel where the guy was . . . a very thinly veiled Chad Michael Murray. (Unpublished and likely to remain that way.)
And what an introduction! Sam is sitting in the school parking lot with Carter, having just lost out on a primo parking space that a convertible filled with the Popular Girls took first, when Carter sees a new spot open up and points it out to Sam. But before she can take it, there comes
A U S T I N A M E S
(It’s taken me almost two hours to write up the first 15 minutes of this movie lol we’re in trouble, but let me slow this whole moment down for you because I’m so obsessed with it.)
a car pulls out of a parking spot (why? school hasn’t started yet — where the fuck is this person going?)
btw this is a one-way parking lane and Sam’s car is pointed the CORRECT WAY to park
Austin’s giant Mercedes comes screeching in THE WRONG WAY down this parking lane, almost hitting Sam’s car, past the open spot which he then BACKS INTO in the absolute douchiest move I’ve ever seen
I CANNOT EMPHASIZE ENOUGH WHAT A VILLAIN EDIT THIS FEELS LIKE, ARE WE SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR THIS FUCKIN JABRONI?!
a stranger did this kind of move to me once in an Olive Garden parking lot and if you think I’ve forgiven or forgotten I HAVE NOT
the one thing I will allow here is that Sam should probably actually park her car and not just sit there in the lane talking about the Popular Girls, Austin would never have stood a chance if she’d just been paying attention
and then Austin gets out of the car and okay, he IS hot in that very specific 2000s CW kind of way, but also his “look how hot this guy is” moment is a slow-motion shot of him locking up his Mercedes with his key fob lololol like please be for real
Sorry to spend so much time on these few seconds of film, but I just think it’s so interesting as a character introduction! Because of course the whole point is that Austin Ames is part of the popular crowd, he is so far out of Sam’s “league,” he seems like a typical jock but he has hidden sensitivity that only she knows about through their anonymous texting, but . . . I mean, he just objectively comes off like an absolute dick at this point in a way that I can’t tell if the movie fully appreciates.
Sam and Carter move about the school, including a run-in with a side character named Terry wearing his “Darth Vader was framed” t-shirt. I love Terry so I’m bookmarking him to come back to later. This movie is filled with all kinds of stereotypes of high school cliques — the popular kids, Terry the nerd, Carter the theater geek, etc. and maybe it’s just because I was raised on a diet of this shit but I eat it up. I get how reductive “she wears high heels I wear sneakers/she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers” is and yet I low-key don’t care, I have so much fun with this kind of movie. I just want a character pointing out different tables of kids all dressed in some over-the-top cosplay of whatever clique they are meant to be, is that too much to ask?
Sam gets a text message and immediately goes all fluttery, which prompts Carter to tease her about her “secret admirer” and NOW WE’RE COOKING WITH GAS. I want Sam sitting at the little Friendship Circle giggling and happily typing in “LOL” into a T9 phone keyboard on my vision board. If there’s ever a meme that uses this scene, I WILL repost it because I just love her little voiceover saying “laugh out loud” while she types it. (One recently was like: “me finally responding to a reel after my friend’s sent me a bunch in a row.”)
Obviously at this point we don’t KNOW that Sam is really texting with Austin Ames (although c’mon, we know — it’s their faces on the movie poster!), but this only makes him even more of a shitbag. Because I’m sorry, I know his girlfriend is supposed to be a classic Popular Mean Girl, but he *is* still dating her and he absolutely should not be texting someone shit like “I can’t stop thinking about you” and “I want to hear your laugh!” That is emotional cheating, my dude!
Shake that off, though, because we’re about to head into a cute montage of them writing to each other and this is the Promise of the Premise so let’s not ruin it with overthinking. Austin writes the kind of sensitive shit like “I could be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone” and if I even TOLD you my AIM handle from back in the day (and that of my crush, whose was equally emo/goth) you’d know that no matter how cheesy that sentiment sounds I was always a sucker for it. He also quotes Tennyson at her which would’ve probably been a bridge too far for me even as a teenager.
And he says he wants to meet her at the homecoming dance! At 11:00pm, directly in the middle of the dance floor! Seems inconvenient for everyone trying to DANCE, but we’ve got ourselves a ticking clock!
Cut to: Sam taking batting practice with Carter, talking about how her anonymous text lover sounds “too good to be true.” (Um, he IS! He almost hit your car and hasn’t broken up with his girlfriend yet lolol okay sorry got caught overthinking again.) Carter delivers this bit of exposition about the backstory of this secret admirer situation when he says, “It’s been like a month since you met him in that Princeton chatroom . . .” and the way my future-brother-in-law and I absolutely fucking LOST it at that line in the theater, I wish I could even convey. An audible snort laugh followed by uncontrollable giggles for minutes thereafter. We used to quote it to each other all the time. I don’t know why it kills me but it really, really does.
(He had a thing for Hilary Duff, so we saw all her movies in the theaters together! Raise Your Voice, The Perfect Man, Lizzie McGuire, I am extremely familiar with Hilary’s 2000s oeuvre both musical and cinematic!)
(I interrupted writing this newsletter to go pick up my kids and was so busy singing “So Yesterday” under my breath that I locked myself out of the house!!! Don’t worry, it all worked out. Anything is possible if you just believe!)
We see Austin working at his dad’s car wash, and since I’ve given him such shit for being a rich popular entitled prick so far, I will say that I appreciate that he has a job! His dad found college brochures in Austin’s room, and we’ve all seen She’s All That so we know that there is NOTHING worse to a dad than finding college brochures in your son’s room!!! Seriously, though, his dad is all USC football all the time, so that’s why he’s so bothered by it. Austin is under a lot of pressure! He just wants to be a writer at Princeton, not get a football scholarship to go to an in-state school! (I’m sorry, I can’t help but focus on money with storylines like this, if it’s senior year on your favorite teen drama I am probably insufferable to watch episodes with.)
Sam shows up with her stepmother’s car to get it serviced, there’s a brief flirty exchange where Austin says she needs a wax and she gets offended but then he clarifies that he meant the car, and then the two stepsisters show up in their color-coordinated outfits and absolutely FILTHY matching VW Bugs, falling over themselves giggling and trying to get Austin’s attention.
I almost can’t tell you about the stepsisters because I could spend a whole newsletter on them. Every single thing they say and do is gold. I very sincerely wish sometimes that I was hotter and with better teeth if for NO OTHER REASON than I feel like I was born to play mean/funny bit character parts like these. What I could’ve done with “The dirt police!” Put me in a monochromatic outfit and give me a silly hairstyle and let me chew scenery with my bitchy expressions!
Sam wants to go to the dance that night, but of course her stepmother tells her she has to work at the diner instead. And speaking of motivational speeches, I tell this to myself once a week and it really helps:
So Sam is stuck working at the diner, where of COURSE she has to take the table of Austin and the rest of the popular crowd, including AUSTIN’S GIRLFRIEND. Who he has already decided he doesn’t want to take to the dance THAT VERY NIGHT but just HASN’T TOLD HER YET. lololol I’m sorry to keep harping on this but truly it’s so wild to me! We’re supposed to be charmed that Austin is laughing at Sam’s little clapback to his girlfriend’s overly picky dietary requests when this is a group of friends hanging out before they go to a dance together and he’s ALREADY MADE PLANS TO MEET ANOTHER GIRL ON THE DANCE FLOOR. Maybe this is why you feel so alone in a crowded room, Austin, because you’re a dick!
(But it’s Chad Michael Murray, it’s Hilary Duff, so I’m also not going to front and pretend I’m not a little charmed.)
The Popular Crowd leaves before ordering any food, and Austin does try to leave a tip, so I guess that’s a point in his favor. Carter shows up dressed in his Zorro costume to pick up Sam for the dance, but of course she’s like, I’m not going, I have to work. We are getting into the REAL Cinderella shit tho, because Rhonda is not about to let Sam miss out on her opportunity to meet up with the boy who’s been sending her all those “love notes” and is ready to play fairy godmother.
“They’re e-mails,” Sam tries to protest.
“If a man is taking his time to write down his feelings for you, that’s a love note,” Rhonda says.
I’ve been annotating a copy of The Art of Catching Feelings for a charity auction, and this was something I was thinking about as I read through Chris’ text exchanges with Daphne. (I know I WROTE them, but sometimes you see things through a different perspective when you’ve had some distance from the writing, when you’re reading the book in a new way.) Chris is generally a man of few words! He’s not a big texter! He’s the kind of guy where you’d be lucky to get a “sounds good” out of him and then he’d just catch up with you later in person. So the fact that he’s this deep into texting with Daphne, well . . . he really needs someone to talk to, and he really likes her. If a man is taking his time to write down his feelings for you, that’s a love note!
Anyway, back to the movie because shit is getting good. Of course Sam doesn’t have a costume (what . . . was she . . . originally planning to wear?), so Rhonda takes her to a shop for the obligatory “try on a bunch of different wacky outfits” montage. I’d sue if I bought a movie ticket and didn’t get this. She’s a bullfighter! A bride of Frankenstein! Porky Pig! A hula girl! A nun! A knight! (Some of these costumes seem way too complicated to try on when you know they’re not going to work? I know the studio was just pandering to litigious movie watchers like me who were ready to form a class action if there was no montage, but it is kinda silly that you wouldn’t be able to tell you didn’t want to go as Porky Pig without putting on the full rig, head and all.)
Luckily, Rhonda sees the PERFECT white lace-y mask, and knows she has a dress at home that would match it beautifully.
At the dance, we see the stepsisters dressed up in this adjoining cat costume, and one says, “I said Siamese cats, not Siamese twins!” and then the other says, “Are we having a cat fight?” and then they tumble down the stairs and knock over two people dressed as salt and pepper shakers, and then Salt sneezes (presumably from Pepper), and I just need you to know when I say something like “they don’t make movies like they used to” this is SPECIFICALLY what I’m thinking of.
Austin’s bros are mad at him because he clearly pretended to lose his third musketeer costume so he could dress up like a prince and I know this is very far down his list of crimes at this point, but REALLY, Austin?! On top of everything else you’re fucking up your boys’ group costume idea?! One niche line from this movie that gets stuck in my head a lot is the way one of his friends says, “No, it’s not all good, bro!” If anything is ever Not All Good I promise you this exact line reading is running through my brain.
But then! Sam arrives, wrapped in Carter’s Zorro cape because she’s “freaking out” (aka wants to save the reveal of the dress for the big moment! smart!). Carter runs down the stairs, turning when he sees everyone stopping to look in their direction. “Sam, what are they all staring —?” and the music swells Just another day/ that started out like any other/just another girl/ who took my breath away NAME A MORE ICONIC COMING DOWN THE STAIRS MOMENT I’LL WAIT
Okay, yes, Rachael Leigh Cook coming down the stairs to “Kiss Me” in her red dress was pretty iconic. (I even reference it in Cold World!) Okay, okay, I didn’t know you were going to get all Gone with the Wind about it! The point is, I love this scene. And sometimes I like to make gentle fun of Chad Michael Murray’s “brooding” face (once I caught him doing it in the background of a One Tree Hill scene, like he was practicing), but he does deliver the absolute perfect “Wow, who’s that, I’m instantly intrigued” face as he turns to see her.
Sam takes her place in the middle of the dance floor, until she hears a voice from behind her and spins around to see . . . Terry, of the “Darth Vader was framed” shirt. She tries to ask if he’s Nomad (Austin’s AIM screenname, I can’t laugh, mine was worse) and because he’s Terry he’s just like, “Indeed. I have traveled through time and space to find you.” And then he starts doing the “mating dance of Zion,” flapping his Matrix trench coat so hard it literally blows Sam’s hair back. Sam is disappointed and sends Terry off to get “some libations for the fair maiden” (his words).
Then — another voice from behind her! Austin Ames comes up with a gentle, “PrincetonGirl?” (For a Princeton chatroom?!? Sam, show some personality!) When Sam turns and sees it’s him, at first she’s kinda pissed. (Probably because she’s still thinking how he snaked that parking spot from her, I’d be pissed, too!!!). “Don’t you know who I am?” she asks, and Austin delivers a wonderfully breathless “You’re PrincetonGirl!” but clearly has no idea beyond that.
This is my MAIN issue with the movie and yes, I do realize that it is a MOVIE and we’re all having fun here just eat your popcorn and don’t worry about it. But it truly is WILD that he doesn’t recognize her at any point. Hilary Duff is SO unique looking with her beautiful golden hair, she has a very distinctive voice and way of speaking, her demi mask covers PRACTICALLY NOTHING, you can still see her EYES, which he looked into earlier while she made a joke and which he will compliment at the dance and then still fail to recognize even he’s looking into them again, whatever, let’s just say Austin Ames’ eyewitness testimony should be automatically inadmissible in any court because dude is OBLIVIOUS.
(If you ever wonder while reading The Art of Catching Feelings why Chris doesn’t figure it out, I’m happy to tell you my reasoning, but only after the book’s been out for a bit so I don’t spoil anyone.)
Terry comes back briefly, which is unimportant and which I shouldn’t even tell you about since I’m already getting yelled at by Substack for this post being too long for email, but the way he says, “Austin Ames with the lady. A devastating blow! A worthy opponent.” Chef’s kiss. I love this guy.
Sam is back to confronting Austin about how he basically can’t be two different guys — the most popular guy in school and a closet poet. (I genuinely do not see why not? but again, I like these ‘00s-cliquey premises, so I’m along for the ride. A jock who likes POEMS?!?) He starts quoting from his own email to her, even date-stamping it! And she finishes the quote for him!
Every time I’ve watched this, I’ve always thought it seemed outrageously narcissistic, that he quoted from his OWN email, not even from one of hers. But I have to admit that if I’m in a deep email conversation with someone, I do often go back and reread my own emails, sometimes trying to see it through the other person’s eyes, decide if my joke landed or if I got too vulnerable in one part or whatever. I still don’t think I could (or WOULD) quote it word-for-word back to someone, but I guess I get it. Half of the appeal of the intimacy of a text-based relationship is not only how you’re getting to know THEM, but also how you’re expressing yourself. That’s another reason why I find them very romantic.
Carter watches Austin lead Sam for a stroll outside, and has a smile on his face like he’s happy for his friend instead of a sour “That fucking guy?!?” expression like I’d have, STILL thinking about that goddamn parking space.
On their romantic, twinkle-lit walk, Austin and Sam play 20 questions (well, 10 questions), which is another trope I always love. (Again, I basically wrote this into Cold World, with the Random Number Generator game! I love characters finding ways to get to know each other.) One of his questions is about whether she’d prefer a rice cake or a Big Mac, because he “likes a girl with a hearty appetite” and “that eliminates about 50% of the girls in our class” and I’ve mostly tried to skip over the weird food/diet stuff in this movie because it was SO pervasive especially in this era but ugh. It has real vibes of every female celebrity profile basically starting with an anecdote like, “It was my dream role says [beautiful thin starlet] while she piles Cheetos on her hot dog.” C’mon, Austin Ames. That cannot be one of your top ten questions.
“You’d think I’d remember those eyes,” Austin stops to say, and YEAH YOU SURE WOULD.
Someone got the memo that we are in Blake Snyder’s “Fun and Games” portion of the script, because there’s a little set piece where Austin’s friend is trying to hit on Austin’s ex (I don’t know why I haven’t just used her name Shelby before, sorry, her name is Shelby!), and Carter comes to defend her honor when she’s trying to get away. It uses his Zorro costume and his fake sword and apparently his knowledge of Pirates of Penzance for a fun sequence that results in Shelby becoming totally into him.
Back outside, Austin leads Sam to a gazebo draped in flowers and lit by candles and asks her to dance. It just so happens that there’s a string trio out there practicing, and they start up a romantic song for the couple to dance to. And then Edwin McCain appears out of nowhere and starts singing!!! Just kidding, he doesn’t. But “I’ll Be” does start to play, and honestly I’ve got no jokes, this scene is very cute and swoony! “Do you believe in love at first sight?” Austin asks her, and Sam gives him a little smile. “I’ll let you know.” Whew!
Austin alllllllmost lifts up Sam’s mask, which DEFINITELY would’ve given up the whole jig, we were a strip of fabric-covered cardboard away, BUT! Sam’s cell phone alarm chirps at her that she needs to get back before she turns into a pumpkin her stepmother Fiona is due back at the diner.
(I haven’t had a chance to talk about the school DJ girl, but she’s another delightful character, and “you just totally harshed my mellow” is something I say at least weekly.)
Back at the dance, everything is chaotic — Austin is trying to catch up to Sam, Carter is busy making out with Shelby and Sam is desperate to peel him away so she can make it back to the diner in time, Austin is announced as Homecoming Prince and Sam as the Homecoming Princess! but of course she’s anxious to get out of there. So anxious she drops her cell phone!! In case you’re wondering if this cell phone ends up playing ANY role in Austin finding his mystery girl, a la Cinderella’s slipper . . . spoiler alert it doesn’t lolol. Oh well. It was a fun idea.
We see Fiona pull up to pick up the stepsisters in their Siamese twins-cat suit. “Where are your crowns? Where are your prizes? Winners get prizes” Fiona says as soon as they get in the car, and damn if she’s not giving me every single one of my morning mirror affirmations! She also says she’s very upset and the stepsisters are like “You don’t . . . look upset” and she says it’s the Botox. “I can’t show emotion for another hour and a half.” Jennifer Coolidge is a gem.
There’s a mini car chase as Sam begs Carter to go more than thirty miles per hour while the stepsisters have gotten wise to Sam and are grabbing Fiona’s steering wheel and slamming a foot on the gas and trying to beat her to the diner. My now-brother-in-law leaned over at this point in the theater to say, “If they’re in the middle of a drought, why is there water on all the streets?” (answer: because it looks good, the way the light reflects off the puddles!) I thought that was so fucking smart!!! As much as I’m nitpicking this movie now let me assure you that when I first watch a movie I am almost always strapped in, ready for a ride, and I don’t notice SHIT. If I’ve guessed the main character is really dead, you’re in trouble, because I shut my brain OFF when I first see a movie.
Fiona arrives at the diner and we see Rhonda and the other diner staff trying to cover for Sam. One of the employees starts rambling about the cleaning products they started using on the floors, and Fiona says, “What are you, a commercial? Click.” with a little mime of turning off a remote control, and the NUMBER OF TIMES I have thought this in my head, it’s probably rude.
But don’t worry! Sam pops up from the kitchen, her LA hat back on her head, flour on her cheeks, and gives a convincing performance of having been there all night serving pancakes like she was supposed to.
Back at school, the DJ exposits for us that Austin won Homecoming Prince . . . but who was his Princess? It’s a mystery! When the real mystery now is what kind of collective hysteria event is happening that not a single person recognized a girl who goes to their school who has presumably GONE to their school since she was a CHILD with distinctive hair and a distinctive way of talking, and . . . you know what, I’ll just eat my popcorn.
Sam is insistent that it doesn’t matter, Austin will forget all about his Cinderella by now . . . except the school is now PAPERED with posters with a decent face-less likeness of her all over the place! Which means that Austin recognizes her enough to draw her or describe her to be drawn, and yet STILL walks right by her! I’m truly sorry to keep harping on this but the movie just keeps giving me more and more opportunities.
The next five minutes of the movie are my least favorite so let’s run through them real fast. Basically, Carter says he’ll tell Shelby HE was Zorro if Sam will tell Austin she’s his Cinderella. Carter does it and is of course, humiliated — Shelby rejects him and then he gets splashed when the stepsisters fight on the diving board and fall into the pool. I guess Carter then just lets Sam off the hook? We never hear about their deal again.
Then Austin’s friends parade a bunch of girls in front of him in a Bachelor-esque parade, which is opportunity for the kind of “let’s laugh at girls who have NO BUSINESS thinking someone like AUSTIN AMES would like THEM” theater that is just a bad time. Austin’s friend does call the teacher who comes to break it up “a late entry,” which I admit can get a laugh out of me.
Do you also sort your mail like Fiona, sing-songing Don’t want that . . . don’t want that . . . or is that just me? Anyway, Fiona sees that Sam got an acceptance letter to Princeton, which will NOT DO. Fiona hides the letter from Sam.
Meanwhile, in the ol’ AOL messages, Austin is begging Sam to tell him who she is. IF ONLY THERE WAS A WAY FOR HIM TO KNOW! It feels like Sam is close to giving in, but then her stepsister busts in wanting Sam to write a paper for her, and Fiona is calling for Sam to come down there now and *sighs.* Austin’s just gonna have to wait.
Of course Sam commits the CARDINAL ERROR of leaving her computer screen up, and her nosy stepsister totally snoops on her messages! Including, incriminatingly, one that straight-out says, “Cinderella, are you not talking to me because you freaked when you found out I’m Austin Ames?” Whoa don’t leave the most expository messages up! You gotta make them dig for it, at least!
So now the cat’s out of the bag. The stepsisters know Sam is the mysterious Cinderella . . . and you know they’re going to use this somehow.
The stepsisters show up at Austin’s dad’s car wash, rehearsing their role as Cinderella, obviously thinking they’re going to fool him into thinking they’re the one. Which sounds like a really stupid plan (they don’t look anything like Hilary Duff? the hair color, the body type, the face, the voice) but you know what? . . . honestly can’t blame them for giving it the old college try. Three cats in a trench coat might be able to convince Austin they’re Cinderella.
Austin lets them dangle a bit before quizzing them on what Cinderella dropped at the dance, and the Tall One breathlessly says, “Oh! A fish!” and god. I’ve never wanted to be an actress more. The stepsisters get into a whole fight in the car wash, because it’s fun and hilarious. Austin hears screaming but ignores it, confirming that he really is the LAST person you would ever want as a witness to a crime.
Austin comes into the diner, and there is a very cute exchange where Sam is silently gesturing like, It’s him! and Rhonda is gesturing back like, He’s cute, go talk to him. I love Rhonda! I also do actually love this scene, despite any lingering how does he not realize it’s her issues. It’s one of the only times we get to see them connect, as Sam and Austin, and it’s very sweet. I will say that this particular scene did also make me think, “Man, I bet he’ll be a real pain in those Princeton writing workshops” but that’s just because I did an MFA program so I can recognize the Type. He also has never been cuter than when he’s telling Sam thank you, so maybe I’d still get a sick thrill out of him telling me he can’t give me feedback on my YA excerpt because he “doesn’t read that stuff.” Who’s to say.
The stepsisters take the whole “Cinderella plot” to Shelby, convincing her that it’s all been a diabolical plan by Sam to steal Shelby’s man away. Obviously something is afoot as the Tall Stepsister takes a message to the DJ to read out, telling “Cinderella” to meet her prince at the pep rally. Shit is about to go DOWN.
Turns out, the stepsisters and Shelby have put together a little skit that is OBVIOUSLY about Austin and Sam, complete with reading vulnerable quotes from their emails about how she’s the only one who understands him, how she’s never had a real kiss before, etc. It’s an awful, humiliating scene, but can we take a minute and just admire the stagecraft? Like they put together a tight, comical skit that told a STORY and they did it in like . . . an afternoon? Color me impressed. And honestly, Austin DID treat Shelby shabbily! He a little bit deserves this!
But then this is the part of the movie I have NEVER understood, that keeps me awake at night — because why, after he’s been dying to find out who Cinderella is, does Austin look like this?
He finally knows who she is! And sure, he got a little humiliated in front of his dad and all his football friends, but SHE got humiliated, too, so he’s gotta know that’s not her fault? And yet he looks like THIS
He seemed to really like her when he talked to her in the diner! Surely he’s not having a snob moment of thinking What, her?! after saying all that stuff about how he loved that she was real and he felt a connection! Right?! So what has him looking all betrayed like THIS!
People are chanting “Diner girl!” and she’s crying and he just . . . lets her walk away? That’s some real “backs a Mercedes the wrong way into a parking space” type behavior.
To add insult to injury, Fiona gives Sam her “letter from Princeton,” aka a fake that Fiona duped to tell Sam she didn’t get in. We enter into the “sad montage” part of the movie, which frankly is almost always my favorite part. Sam has never looked better than in her green jacket and her Dodgers hat pulled low; Austin has never looked better than in his raglan shirt (move over Henleys because I’m ALL about those baseball shirts); they’re being all mopey and looking at each other and starting emails they don’t send and I’m in my element.
Sam’s doing her drudge work at the diner when the Elvis guitar falls off the wall and reveals those inspirational words underneath — Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. That’s all Sam needed to light a fire under her! She quits! She’s moving out! She’s done! She’s going to live with Rhonda! Everyone quits!
So Sam moves in with Rhonda, and says she hasn’t felt that at home in a long time. And Rhonda says, “I’m sure! Compared to the Addams family” and NOT TO GET PEDANTIC but the Addams family actually genuinely love each other and accept each other for who they are? It’s kinda the beautiful thing about the Addams family? Okay, sorry, there’s only 15 minutes left in this movie and I need to go to bed soon so I’m trying not to get too in the weeds, but that Addams family slander couldn’t go uncorrected in my house.
Sam tells Rhonda not to wait up, that she needs to do something for herself, and you know what that means! Time to confront Austin.
Sam storms into the locker room before the big football game, looking 2000s CHIC in her matching turquoise-and-maroon cami with cropped hoodie set. Seriously who picked this outfit because you are a LEGEND. The way Austin says her name when he sees her is honestly VERY sexy to me, something about him saying it when he’s never called her by her name before, idk, it gets to me. But we don’t have time to focus on that because she gives him WHAT FOR, tells him he’s a coward and a phony (someone read their Salinger!) and that she feels sorry for him because he doesn’t know who he is or believe in himself the way she does. And then she delivers her final zinger, that she can’t wait for that guy from the emails because “waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing.” It is the perfect blend of a little cheesy and self-conscious and over the top and EXQUISITELY delivered as a high school set-down speech, I love it.
And Austin just stands there and takes it, hitting his locker after she walks away so you know he’s Upset.
No song has ever been used over a sporting event in a movie as expertly as “Hear You Me” by Jimmy Eat World over this final Fighting Frogs football game. I’m sorry, I know there are other examples, but I’m not ready to hear them right now because this shit is a masterpiece. The crowd starts chanting Austin’s name, and Sam looks around and realizes . . . she just can’t handle it. She has to go. Austin’s down on the field, kneeling to address the team, his coach is making random “Blue 42” type hand gestures at him or whatever the fuck, his dad is there yelling, and he looks up in the stands and sees Sam leaving. He turns back to his teammates, who get expressions like, “What the fuck?” and he’s already shaking his head. “Sorry, boys,” he says, then takes his helmet off and starts sprinting up toward the stands.
Listen. This is ROMANCE. This is a GRAND GESTURE. This is him finally being willing to take a stand against his dad, against what everyone else expects of him, for the girl he’s fallen in love with. It is an EPIC moment. Never before in the history of “You’re throwing away your dream!” “No, Dad, I’m throwing away yours” has this moment HIT quite like this.
. . . and also a tiny little bit if I were Sam I’d be like, “Did you just walk out on your teammates? You couldn’t run one fuckin play? I’d respect you more if you’d finished what you’d started.”
But luckily I’m not Sam, so we can just revel in the swooniness of this moment. He runs up all sweaty and out-of-breath and she’s like “What are you doing?” and he’s like “Something I should’ve done a long time ago” and Jimmy Eat World is playing and then they KISS and a raindrop splashes on her face and then they’re REALLY kissing in the rain and then the backup quarterback wins the game and they’re still kissing and this is why god created cinema.
A happy ending for everyone after that! Well, except Fiona and the stepsisters. It turns out that Sam’s dad hid his will in her fairy tale book (this movie being a great cautionary tale for why you should like, leave your will with a LAWYER rather than tucking it into your child’s treasured book with a cryptic note about how all life lessons can be found there or something). So Sam gets the diner, the house, money for Princeton — everything!
At the end, Austin gets down on one knee to . . . FINALLY return Sam’s cell phone to her (I had completely forgotten it even existed lol). Sam is wearing PINK which is how you know THINGS ARE DIFFERENT NOW because for most of the movie she’s been in various shades of blue. (I love shit like this in movie costuming, I really do.) They drive off in the sunset in her beat-up old car they’ve been making fun of the whole movie which of course, surprise, cleaned up is actually a total stunner. I do appreciate that Sam is the one doing the driving! It’s her car, but also I like to think this is her way of asserting her superior driving abilities after that SHIT HE FUCKING PULLED IN THE PARKING LOT, I’M STILL NOT OVER IT, I —
Okay, that’s it!1 Thank you so much for going on this ride with me (to the extent there are any of you left lol), and I guess this is as good a time as any to remind you that if you, too, love a good “hidden identity” type story, you can preorder The Art of Catching Feelings from my local indie Tombolo Books, and I’ll include all preorder swag and sign the book for you. (Just put any personalization request in the comments to your order! A quote from A Cinderella Story, a doodle of a fighting frog, whatever!). Or if you preorder from anywhere else (including internationally), you can fill out my Google form and I’ll send the preorder swag to you separately.
Currently reading . . . I just finished Arsenic and Adobo by Mia Manansala and have started the second book, Homicide and Halo-Halo. It’s a charming cozy mystery series centered around Tita Rosie’s Kitchen, a family restaurant serving Filipino food, and amateur sleuth Lila (it’s supposed to be Lee-la, but she’s learned to accept Li-la after so many people mess it up). Lila just wants to spend time working up new dessert recipes and figuring her life out, but instead she has to solve crimes after her ex-boyfriend drops dead in her family’s restaurant. It’s so fun! I’m also in the middle of How to Get a Life in Ten Dates by Jenny Howe, which feels like a classic ‘90s romcom in the best possible way (aka is there any other way?!).
watching . . . I’m seven episodes into the last season of Dead to Me, and I just really love this show! James Marsden is underrated! Even if he’s top rated he’s underrated. The female friendship! If you catch me writing a 40yo brunette character with prominent laugh lines and eye crinkles and think, “Is she just describing Linda Cardellini” I’m here to say YES that is exactly who I’m picturing! I’ve loved her since Freaks and Geeks, I’ve loved Christina Applegate since Married with Children, this newsletter is for me telling you when and where I fell in love with certain actresses so there you go.
listening to . . . I was making fun of a Maroon 5 song the other day (“She Will Be Loved”) and I very sincerely asked my family if, as a Third Eye Blind fan, I was in a glass house throwing stones, and my son said, “No, no, they are very different things” and that made me feel better. And if you’re a Maroon 5 fan just ignore me, sometimes it’s fun to riff on a song a little bit.
preordering . . . A couple books on my radar coming out next week include Savor It by Tarah Dewitt and The Road Trip Rewind by Kate and Danny Tamberelli!!!
A WILD part of my story with this movie that I didn’t even include is that once I interviewed the screenwriter!!! She was super nice and I talked to her for like two hours, but I have always carried around a lot of shame about it because I recorded the interview for a podcast I was planning to start up and then I . . . never started the podcast. This was over TEN YEARS AGO at this point, so I also think I remember a few key things she told me (including her explanation for why Austin looks so betrayed in the pep rally scene!) but also I feel like I shouldn’t say them because a) I could be misremembering and b) that’s on me for not putting out the fucking podcast.
THIS IS EVERYTHING. I was laughing out loud. I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face. Truly one of my favorite movies of all time and this was a chefs kiss commentary of it. As soon as a finished reading it I wanted to go back and read it again. Oh and I will be watching the movie now tonight. Thank you for this craft of art.
I always enjoy your deep dives even if I haven't seen the movie! A Cinderella Story was after my time, but I had to comment bc there was a point at which I could recite like half the dialogue from Some Kind of Wonderful from memory, and I may or may not still have a wee crush on late-80s Eric Stoltz. (If he's turned into an antivaxxer I don't wanna know about it.) But yeah teen movies! They barely change! We love them!