I warned you!!! It’s my 40th birthday today and I wanted to drop an off-schedule newsletter all about it! Because now that I’m 40 I can do whatever the fuck I want1!!!
Age is so weird, especially when you’re a woman, because there’s all this external discourse about it even when you wish you could opt out. People can’t BELIEVE how old Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are now (I can — that’s how time works!); can’t BELIEVE how good so-and-so’s skin looks even though she’s THIRTY-THREE!! (I can! she’s rich and has access to the best skincare and the photo is clearly filtered and probably she genetically has very clear skin and also she’s only in her early thirties what did you expect, lizard skin?!?!); don’t even get me started on the “you must be turning 27 again” jokes because I really don’t like them! I’m not ashamed of my age; don’t put that on me.
I also get weirdly grateful that I was born the exact time I was (I mean, not the exact time, which I don’t know, rendering my detailed birth chart a mystery! Thanks, State of Texas!). I love that I got to be a kid before social media — before the internet, really. I’d be a different person if I hadn’t spent a lot of my childhood bored and staring out of car windows on every road trip because there was nothing else to do. I threaded the needle on coming in at the exact right time on The Offspring, because imagine if I’d been born a little earlier and pretentiously thought Smash was them selling out! Imagine if I’d been born a little later and imprinted on “Pretty Fly for a White Guy,” or god forbid, “You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid”2????
I also happen to be having a great time! My finances are a lot more stable than they were in my 20s (I haven’t drop-kicked the last expired box of Kraft macaroni and cheese or smuggled home rolls of toilet paper from work in at LEAST a decade! feels good!). I feel hotter than ever, which I want to emphasize feel because then nobody can nitpick pictures of me and the way I look because I didn’t say look I said feel — I think I’m aging like Steve Buscemi (compliment!!)
I don’t want to act like I’m immune to the effects of aging. Once I played the Flintstones theme on the piano to impress my son (and because it’s the only thing I know how to play) and he looked up at me politely and was like, “What’s that?” IMAGINE this kid going around thinking those people on Fruity Pebbles boxes are just . . . characters invented to sell cereal?!?
I googled “my hips hurt” the other day, not even something like, “why do my hips hurt” or “hip pain” or “I can’t do general admission shows anymore without my hips feeling it the next day” but just “my hips hurt.” Once after a show I was shuffling around, singing “Ol’ gray mare, she ain’t what she used to be” and my husband and I STILL laugh every time it comes up. Another time I jump-scared myself in the mirror of the overly-bright bathroom at work because I just didn’t realize I . . . looked like that?
It’s also interesting, writing and reading romance novels where the characters are often younger than me! I love books where the characters are 40+ and I have ideas for novels of my own that feature older protagonists. (Including one that made my husband go, “Does anyone . . . want that?”) But let’s face it, a lot of romances feature characters in the mid-twenties to mid-thirties or so, because that is the time when people are often thinking about our careers, our relationships, are we ready for something serious, etc. Which makes me feel a little like —
I don’t even know why I’m writing all this except that I do think there can be such pressure and weirdness about age (and again, especially for women, especially if you’re in a career that’s public-facing where appearance matters, which should NOT apply to writing but in the age of social media . . . let’s face it, sometimes it does!). So I wanted to celebrate a little on this particular milestone birthday!! Like yes, bring on the “over the hill” gravestone decorations and black balloons lolol BUT ALSO I think about inching closer to death every single day of my life so there’s no reason to get weird about it now that I’m 40!
A few ways you can celebrate with me! Only if you want to, obviously. First, there’s a giveaway for The Art of Catching Feelings going on over at Goodreads! Entering is your only chance to possibly win, but it also means that maybe I’ll get an email from my publisher like, “Wow, look at you, doing numbers!” which is a nice email to get. I never know what any of these numbers mean so they could say it to me about any number and it would feel nice.
If you’re less of a gambler and more of a “I’ll just pay money to have a sure thing product in my hand, thank you” kind of person, you can also preorder The Art of Catching Feelings! If you preorder from my beloved local indie Tombolo Books, you’ll get the preorder swag automatically, and I’m also happy to sign and personalize your book in any way you want! Just put your personalization request in the comments of the order. I do get to read these when I go in to sign books, and it’s one of my favorite parts, so don’t feel embarrassed to write things in all caps or request a random doodle or whatever because that’s what I do when I request personalization from my friends. :)
OKAY! Off to celebrate my birthday!!! I’ll leave you with this FUN FACT which is that did you know that Michael Scott from The Office, as played by Steve Carrell, was ALSO born on March 15?!? (He says he shares a birthday with Fabio and Eva Longoria and so do I!) In a wild extra coincidence, Steve Carrell once played someone who was ALSO 40!!!! (Famously a virgin, in his case.)
Within reason, in the exact same way that I could do at 39.
These are good songs and I listen to them more than most probably lol. I’m just saying, I’m glad I came in right on the Smash-Ixnay on the Hombre cusp, these are the things that are important to me.
Happy 40th Alicia!!! <3 I am devastated to report that the era of the Offspring that got my attention was..........You're Gonna Go Far Kid. As a birthday gift I will take a long look in the mirror about my odious past! xo
I hope you had a terrific birthday! Welcome to the 40s club! The increasing aches and pains that accompany aging suck, but the peace that comes with the IDGAF feeling of being comfortable with yourself and your age is truly wonderful.