Perfect miscommunication analysis. When people first started saying they hated this trope I was so confused. I didn’t even realize it was a trope. It took me a while to catch on to what they were talking about. I always thought of that as just bad writing. And I love a good third act break up. But both of things that have to make sense in context of who the characters are and everything that happened before.
I similarly didn't even think of it as a trope! More just as . . . part of normal dialogue/interaction/relationships? Like I don't consider "banter" a trope, for example.
All of this! What relationships are people having where there’s no miscommunication or insecurities? The trope absolutely gets a bad rap because of poor execution. But it’s so real. And I’ve personally been the victim (or perpetrator) of bad communication way more times than I’ve found myself at a motel with only one bed. (No hate to that trope. It’s my favorite).
Ugh I love this and love both the series and book Normal People. I actively seek out stress and mess and real-life human dynamics and miscommunication and third-act breakups in romance. If the couple is perfectly communicating, I don't see a need to read a book about it personally haha. I think there's really two camps of readers--those who want conflict that's only external, and those who are okay with internal conflict. I'm significantly more drawn to the latter - I want the relationship tested! Defeating a common enemy is cool, but navigating your partner's fear of abandonment that's been there since childhood? So much more layered and deliciously complex.
I agree!! And in general, different things just work for different stories and characters, so I'm glad there are options and many different ways that people can write romance. I've read a lot of historical romance where the third act conflict is like, she gets kidnapped, but obviously that wouldn't work for every romance!
I actually think of SNL’s Dear Sister sketch when I hear Hide & Seek, but I guess that’s just my zillenial birthright.
The people that don’t think the miscommunication trope is realistic are probably not self aware enough to see how often miscommunication plays out in their own lives. Of course it’s frustrating to watch miscommunication between characters play out, you usually know more than the characters in that moment!
ohhhh yes I remember that sketch! another great reference. and ha, you're so right about the self-awareness aspect, I think! In general I get it, we want characters to be smarter, more mature, better than us, but . . . they aren't always!
Every time I see clips of Normal People I'm like "man I really need to watch this show." Talk about peak yearning.
SO much of people's frustration with common tropes comes down to execution that's lacking! Which is completely valid though it makes our job as writers harder (oh we actually have to not suck lol).
I really think you'd like Normal People AND it's only like 9 episodes and they're each about half an hour long! (That sells me, personally.) In general, I think MOST things in writing come down to execution, where at least in my reading tastes I don't know that there's any genre or trope or character I COULDN'T get behind if it was done well enough!
I hate badly written plots or arguments that don’t make sense, but miscommunication in itself isn’t bad, I think. I’ve never written a third act breakup before, and I struggle with them, weirdly enough, but my characters do argue and hide things because the best characters could be someone you see in a coffee shop, just living a life
Miscommunication isn’t a trope when it’s done well and is just part of the dialogue. It only becomes a trope when it’s the Sally scenario. Ali Rosen said on threads this week “Hear me out: if the big twist of your book could be resolved by the two main characters having a 5 minute conversation, your twist is not good (respectfully 😂)” And I have thought about this and quoted at least 5 times’
I'm in the middle of this trope right now in Jane and Dan at the End of the World (not sure if it's romance, but seems like a no). But what cracked me up is that in my geezer unhipness which I am leaning into... I thought there was a band with the cool name "imogen heap & the miscommunication trope". I mean, I'm always on the prowl for my next band name and as an avid bookworm this band name impressed me! Still trying to assemble "Pete Moss and the Compost Heap", but...
What a great song to spotlight! It's so unusual and haunting. I primarily associate it with The OC, but thank you for reminding me how it was perfectly used on Normal People. I've come to really love well-deployed miscommunication where I can understand both parties and am able to see some necessary growth afterward. It makes all the pain worth it!
Hard agree with all of your points. I feel like any trope can be executed in a frustrating way, but there are plenty of examples of those same tropes that are executed really well.
Miscommunication is one of the most realistic dynamics that we can see in a book!! I’m a psychologist and genuinely always (gently) reminding people that most people struggle with relationship problem-solving skills and conflict resolution (and that’s partially bc the generations before us did not teach us / model those skills). And I feel like watching miscommunication get resolved in books is such a good way for people to safely ~learn~ and witness how to do that lol
oh totally! i was a psych undergrad and one thing we did was code couples therapy videos for the signs of gottmann's "four horsemen," so it's like, yeah, people stonewall, people get defensive . . .
Preach! The perfect defense of miscommunication. And I really don't get the general hate for third act break ups. Like...that is the primary plot structure of the genre? You'd have to read a lot of marriage in peril books to avoid them entirely. Sure, I appreciate mixing it up, but it's not inherently bad!
Okay - I am coming to terms with the fact that I don't *dislike* miscommunication tropes, I just dislike poor plot execution. Or if it's in place of strong character development. I appreciate this perspective! Have you watched "One Day" on Netflix? Interested to know your thoughts! Side note: I just finished The Art of Catching Feelings and LOVED it! I feel like all of your references are made just for me. I was obsessed with Milo & Otis - it was my stay-at-home-sick DVD. I, too, made the fatal flaw of Wikipedia-ing it. The book Mandy is one I reread to death as a kid and you have me wanting to reread it. My battered copy is on my shelf still. I was so sure I was going to run away as a kid to live in a shell cottage. Enough word vom - hope your week is great!
I haven't watched "One Day" because I think I thought it was going to be sad? And I wasn't in the mood for that at the time? Thank you for all your kind words, especially about Mandy which is one of my favorite books!
Perfect miscommunication analysis. When people first started saying they hated this trope I was so confused. I didn’t even realize it was a trope. It took me a while to catch on to what they were talking about. I always thought of that as just bad writing. And I love a good third act break up. But both of things that have to make sense in context of who the characters are and everything that happened before.
I similarly didn't even think of it as a trope! More just as . . . part of normal dialogue/interaction/relationships? Like I don't consider "banter" a trope, for example.
Seconding all of this!!
All of this! What relationships are people having where there’s no miscommunication or insecurities? The trope absolutely gets a bad rap because of poor execution. But it’s so real. And I’ve personally been the victim (or perpetrator) of bad communication way more times than I’ve found myself at a motel with only one bed. (No hate to that trope. It’s my favorite).
haha it's so true! and I love that you kept it real by making it a motel with one bed. not even a hotel!!
i have a lot of spicy feelings about people's blanket dislike for miscommunication but all i'll say here is you are correct!!!!
thank you, i'll take it!
Ugh I love this and love both the series and book Normal People. I actively seek out stress and mess and real-life human dynamics and miscommunication and third-act breakups in romance. If the couple is perfectly communicating, I don't see a need to read a book about it personally haha. I think there's really two camps of readers--those who want conflict that's only external, and those who are okay with internal conflict. I'm significantly more drawn to the latter - I want the relationship tested! Defeating a common enemy is cool, but navigating your partner's fear of abandonment that's been there since childhood? So much more layered and deliciously complex.
I agree!! And in general, different things just work for different stories and characters, so I'm glad there are options and many different ways that people can write romance. I've read a lot of historical romance where the third act conflict is like, she gets kidnapped, but obviously that wouldn't work for every romance!
I actually think of SNL’s Dear Sister sketch when I hear Hide & Seek, but I guess that’s just my zillenial birthright.
The people that don’t think the miscommunication trope is realistic are probably not self aware enough to see how often miscommunication plays out in their own lives. Of course it’s frustrating to watch miscommunication between characters play out, you usually know more than the characters in that moment!
ohhhh yes I remember that sketch! another great reference. and ha, you're so right about the self-awareness aspect, I think! In general I get it, we want characters to be smarter, more mature, better than us, but . . . they aren't always!
The Dear Sister digital short is so perfectly executed and makes me laugh every time!
Every time I see clips of Normal People I'm like "man I really need to watch this show." Talk about peak yearning.
SO much of people's frustration with common tropes comes down to execution that's lacking! Which is completely valid though it makes our job as writers harder (oh we actually have to not suck lol).
I really think you'd like Normal People AND it's only like 9 episodes and they're each about half an hour long! (That sells me, personally.) In general, I think MOST things in writing come down to execution, where at least in my reading tastes I don't know that there's any genre or trope or character I COULDN'T get behind if it was done well enough!
I hate badly written plots or arguments that don’t make sense, but miscommunication in itself isn’t bad, I think. I’ve never written a third act breakup before, and I struggle with them, weirdly enough, but my characters do argue and hide things because the best characters could be someone you see in a coffee shop, just living a life
Exactly! Conflict and miscommunication are part of life, so I think they belong in books.
Miscommunication isn’t a trope when it’s done well and is just part of the dialogue. It only becomes a trope when it’s the Sally scenario. Ali Rosen said on threads this week “Hear me out: if the big twist of your book could be resolved by the two main characters having a 5 minute conversation, your twist is not good (respectfully 😂)” And I have thought about this and quoted at least 5 times’
Yes, that's a good quote!! I love Ali Rosen so much.
I'm in the middle of this trope right now in Jane and Dan at the End of the World (not sure if it's romance, but seems like a no). But what cracked me up is that in my geezer unhipness which I am leaning into... I thought there was a band with the cool name "imogen heap & the miscommunication trope". I mean, I'm always on the prowl for my next band name and as an avid bookworm this band name impressed me! Still trying to assemble "Pete Moss and the Compost Heap", but...
ha, that would actually be a pretty good band name!
What a great song to spotlight! It's so unusual and haunting. I primarily associate it with The OC, but thank you for reminding me how it was perfectly used on Normal People. I've come to really love well-deployed miscommunication where I can understand both parties and am able to see some necessary growth afterward. It makes all the pain worth it!
I agree wholeheartedly!!
YESSS redemption for miscommunication trope!!!
Hard agree with all of your points. I feel like any trope can be executed in a frustrating way, but there are plenty of examples of those same tropes that are executed really well.
Miscommunication is one of the most realistic dynamics that we can see in a book!! I’m a psychologist and genuinely always (gently) reminding people that most people struggle with relationship problem-solving skills and conflict resolution (and that’s partially bc the generations before us did not teach us / model those skills). And I feel like watching miscommunication get resolved in books is such a good way for people to safely ~learn~ and witness how to do that lol
oh totally! i was a psych undergrad and one thing we did was code couples therapy videos for the signs of gottmann's "four horsemen," so it's like, yeah, people stonewall, people get defensive . . .
Preach! The perfect defense of miscommunication. And I really don't get the general hate for third act break ups. Like...that is the primary plot structure of the genre? You'd have to read a lot of marriage in peril books to avoid them entirely. Sure, I appreciate mixing it up, but it's not inherently bad!
Exactly! To me it would be like disliking the inciting incident or something. It's just a plot point!
Okay - I am coming to terms with the fact that I don't *dislike* miscommunication tropes, I just dislike poor plot execution. Or if it's in place of strong character development. I appreciate this perspective! Have you watched "One Day" on Netflix? Interested to know your thoughts! Side note: I just finished The Art of Catching Feelings and LOVED it! I feel like all of your references are made just for me. I was obsessed with Milo & Otis - it was my stay-at-home-sick DVD. I, too, made the fatal flaw of Wikipedia-ing it. The book Mandy is one I reread to death as a kid and you have me wanting to reread it. My battered copy is on my shelf still. I was so sure I was going to run away as a kid to live in a shell cottage. Enough word vom - hope your week is great!
I haven't watched "One Day" because I think I thought it was going to be sad? And I wasn't in the mood for that at the time? Thank you for all your kind words, especially about Mandy which is one of my favorite books!